


Captive

by Eve1978



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgard, Comfort/Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Memory Loss, Mystery, Romance, prisoner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2601746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve1978/pseuds/Eve1978
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mia wakes up on Asgard with no memory of who she is and how she ended up there. Prince Loki takes an interest in the mysterious girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was like running in a dream, she felt like she was going as fast as she could and using all the strength she had left inside of her but she hardly made any progress and appeared to be moving slower with every step.   
Every inch of her was being pulled to the ground by more than just gravity it seemed, every small step felt like a giant leap and cost her all her energy.

Her long, heavy brown dress and heels were not making it any easier, why did she have to wear these again?  
It looked like something from the Middle Ages or a cheap movie set. 

She kept her dress pulled up as she ran, she couldn’t remember putting this thing on, she also couldn’t remember how she got here.

The branches of the trees hit her in the face but she ignored it, there was only one thing on her mind…there was something she had to remember, it was very important and no matter what happened she should not forget it.

What was it again? It was on the tip of her tongue but at the same time completely out of her reach.

They did something to her, to her brain and it was eating at everything, she could feel it slipping away from her right now, soon there would be nothing left, nothing left of her, she needed to find someone, tell them, now, before everything was gone.

But the woods were empty, and these trees did not look like normal trees, she allowed herself to look up while running and noticed these trees were bigger and more beautiful than any tree she had seen before, they looked like something from a strange fairy tale, her brain must be more damaged than she initially thought. 

She could see the walls of the city in the far distance and a palace…a golden palace, where the hell was she?!  
Her legs gave up the fight as she fell to the ground.

‘No, no no…not yet,’ she tried to crawl back up, she wanted to fight but her body caved,’ remember…my name is Mia…please let me remember this one thing…my name is Mia…’

One last whisper left her lips before she fell silent,’Mia.’

And just like that even her name was lost to her, the last thing she saw was people running towards her, and then everything turned black.

***

He walked the dungeons of the palace, his walk was slow, sensual almost, and filled with a confidence and an authority that didn’t leave any doubt that this man was important and powerful.   
He took the time to scan every corner of the hall, his long legs were covered in black leather complete with leather boots that made a little squeeky sound with every step he took, his long black and green leather coat dangled after him.   
The guards standing next to the cells all bowed down to him and avoided looking him in the eyes.

A hint of a smile appeared around his lips giving him an evil grin, he enjoyed the power that came with being a prince and could not wait for the day that he would become king and finally take the throne, ruling this realm the way he had always envisioned, oh how things would change!

His eyes glanced quickly over every glass cage and the prisoners inside, most of them poor peasants who were caught stealing or murdering and were now rotting away down here awaiting their fate, which for most of them looked rather grim.

He was drawn to the last cell in the dungeon, it had been empty the day before but when he stepped closer now he could see a woman hiding in the far corner.

‘What do we have here?’ he asked, facing one of the guards and awaiting his answer.  
The guard nervously looked up to the prince,’ the palace guards brought her in this morning your royal highness, she was found just outside of the city grounds, she attacked two civilians when they tried to help her. She appears very…confused and…unpredictable.’

Loki noticed the shift in his voice at that last word and noticed the cuts on the guards cheek, like someone had scratched him in the face.

He gazed into the cell to get a better view but all he saw was a small woman crawling away in the corner.

‘Open up,’ he ordered the guard.  
‘But…your highness,’ he protested,’ is that wise?’  
He turned his head to the guard who shrunk immediatly at the realisation of what he had just said and who he was talking to.  
‘Or course your highness,’ he bowed his head again and opened the cell to let the prince step inside.

The room was very bright, white on white, the woman was wearing a long brown worn out dress and leather boots with heels. Her blonde hair was messy and dirty, she was sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up to her chest hiding her face behind her arms, squinting her eyes against the bright light of the room.

With one wave of his hand the prince magically darkened the entire room, while stepping closer to her.

‘Show me your face,’ he ordered her, his deep raspy voice filling the room.   
She lifted her eyes slowly and looked up to meet his, her eyes were brown but almost looked black in the darkness of the room. The edges were darkened as if she hadn’t slept in days, her face was pale but her lips and cheeks were slightly red. 

They looked at each other for a few seconds, when he took another step closer the woman jumped on her feet and threw herself onto him, hitting his chest with all her might while she let out screams of anger.  
‘Where am I?!’ she yelled, still trying to hit him but he only needed one hand to hold her off,’ What is this place?!’

With one hard push he threw her back on the ground in the corner as he rolled his eyes.  
‘Stay there!’ he said angry.   
This time she didn’t move, realising he was much stronger and she was weak.

He lowered himself and kneeled beside her, she could feel his eyes on her.  
‘Do you not know who I am?’ he asked, it sounded more like a threat than a question and it confused her.

She shook her head as she stared back into his deep blue eyes and gasped for air when he hit her cheek with the palm of his hand, leaving a red mark on her face.  
‘You do not look a prince in the eyes!’ he stood up again and she lowered her eyes immediately, letting out a moan of pain as she hid her face behind her arms again.

‘I didn’t know,’ she said softly, careful not to anger him again,’ I’m sorry.’

He was already at the door when he turned around to look at her again.  
‘I am Loki, prince of Asgard,’ he said angry,’ if you value your life you will adress me with your royal highness and NEVER look me in the eyes again.’

She stayed quiet and just nodded her head. It was a very small and timid nodd easy to miss but he noticed and smiled at her obedience before he left the room.

‘Who is she?’ Loki asked one of the guards.  
‘We don’t know, your highness, she claims to not remember anything.’  
‘Hmm, very peculiar…keep an eye on her for me, will you?’

The guard nodded his head and took another bow before Loki turned his back and walked back the way he came from.

***

Hours turned into days, or at least that’s what it felt like. She felt the walls closing in on her, it was better when he made the room darker but now the darkness was weighing her down even more. 

She was hungry, thirsty, cold and tired but above all scared to death.   
She couldn’t remember anything before this cell, who she was, where she came from, no name or place…there was nothing, not a hint of a memory, just an endless darkness.   
These clothes did not feel like hers and this place…what the hell was this place?

She pulled her legs up and tried to find a position that was comfortable enough to get some sleep but the floor was hard and cold.

Drifting between sleep and consciousness another day passed, the guard brought her some food and water. He didn’t say a word to her but she could see him staring at her with those mean lustfull eyes. 

Seeing the cuts from her nails on his face gave her a little satisfaction but now she was starting to fear what he would do to her in return.

She could feel herself being pulled into madness, time was starting to lose all meaning now, her thoughts wondered off but they had nothing to wonder off to, no memory of anything, all she could think of was what was to come. 

Why was she locked up here and where was here? Were they going to kill her? Or worse?


	2. Chapter 2

It was over a week later when the prince came to her again. When he arrived at her cell she was sitting in the corner of the room, staring in front of her.  
Wherever her mind was it wasn’t here, she seemed miles away from this cell.

He ordered the guard to let him in, when she noticed him she raised her eyes but immediately looked down again remembering what happened last time.  
‘Your highness,’ she muttered softly.

He stepped closer, she could feel his eyes resting on her but was afraid to look up. The air in the room had changed since he walked in, it was tense now and it felt like he brought a cool breeze into the room with him.

He still didn’t say a word, she was beginning to wonder why he was here. She had seen him through the glass walking the halls sometimes, looking into every cell but he never entered any of the others.   
Why did he enter hers? What made her so special?

‘Why do you visit me?’ she asked, tired of his silence and desperate to interact with someone, anyone, after days of solitude. She didn’t even care if it would anger him, it would be better than nothing.

It only took him one hand to pick her up from the ground and lift her against the wall, his hand resting firmly around her throat.   
Her hands clawed at his long fingers as she tried to stop him from choking her, he lowered her just enough so her feet touched the ground again and he released some pressure, still keeping his hand in place but allowing her to breathe.

‘You do not ask questions,’ his face was close to hers, she could feel him staring and had to fight to keep her eyes away from his.

‘I will ask the questions,’ he continued,’ who are you and where do you come from?’  
‘I don’t know,’ she said softly,’ I don’t remember…anything’  
‘Well, that’s…convenient,’ he hissed,’ but I don’t believe you’

‘I swear!’ Her voice was drowning in emotion now.  
‘How did you get here?’  
‘I don’t remember anything before being in this cell,’ she sobbed .  
‘Your name?’ he insisted.

 

She shook her head and he noticed there were tears in her eyes, which he would not let affect him, he tightened his grip on her throat.  
‘Please,’ she begged and in her desperation she put her hands on his chest and clung to him while she lifted her eyes and met his gaze.  
She expected him to throw her down again but her stare only seemed to catch him by surprise and it made him lose his grip on her,’ tell me why I am here please, what have I done? Do you know who I am, please tell me who I am!’

She was still clinging to him, her nails pushing through the leather and into his chest while her teary eyes pierced into his, begging him for an answer with everything that she had.  
He pushed her back on the ground and stepped away from her, leaving her alone in the cell again without saying another word.

***

As he laid down in his bed that night, Loki did not find sleep, his mind kept going back to the cell and the girl. How her hands clawed at his chest and her eyes would not let go of his, despite her fear. 

He had seen peasants beg for their life before, more than once, but he had never felt a desperation as strong as he felt in her in that moment. It was as if she was begging him for a lot more than just her life, the only time he had seen such desperation before was in his own eyes and it was a feeling he never wished to return to.

He tried to shake it off, she was just another prisoner, she was nobody and she would be dead within weeks, maybe sooner if she kept popping up into his head. He would only have to say the word and she would be executed.

He was a prince, he had no need for this, he didn’t have time for any distractions and definitely not distractions caused by some stupid woman.

 

***

Mia struggled to breathe, there were multiple hands holding her down, there was a bright light that hurt her eyes and then she saw the needle coming closer and closer to her arm. She screamed but no sound escaped her mouth, she fought but to no avail, the needle went into her arm making her let out one last primal scream as she jumped up gasping for air.

It was dark and she was alone, there was no one holding her down, she was still in the cell, it was nothing but a dream…or a memory…

The door of the cell opened and one of the guards came in, giving her an angry look.  
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked annoyed.  
‘Nothing,’ she said softly.  
‘Then stop with the screaming!’ he snapped at her.

She nodded her head and fought back the tears when she noticed his eyes resting on her, more specifically on her legs. She pulled her dress down and covered them up, trying to avoid his eyes.

He stepped closer to her and bowed down, letting his eyes run all over her painfully slowly. He wasn’t a bad looking man though he was a bit older and starting to grow some grey hairs, his face was handsome and he was tall and very muscular.   
But Mia shivered at the thought of him touching her and wished he would just turn around and leave her alone.

He brought his face next to hers, breathing his bad breath onto her cheek.  
‘You behave for me, alright?’ he said with a small grin,’ you be nice to me and I’ll be nice to you, that’s how it works around here.’

She looked up into his eyes and nodded her head while she quickly looked away again.  
She felt her heart pounding in her chest but he just stood up and left the cell, making her let out a silent cry of relief, she was alone again, for now…


	3. Chapter 3

More days passed, Mia had no idea how long she had been in this cell as the minutes crawled by, maybe it was a lot shorter than she believed it to be, time in here seemed to pass differently.

She paced the small cell and rested her face against the glass wall while she gazed through the hallway. 

The cells on the other side appeared to be empty apart from one where an old man had been lying on a small bed for days now, Mia wasn’t sure if he was still alive.

She stepped back and leaned against the wall in the back of the cell as she closed her eyes. 

Why couldn’t she remember anything? Not even her name?

‘Julia,’ she spoke softly, shaking her head,’ Marie…no that’s not it…Sarah…Kate…Helen…’  
Nothing sounded familiar to her at all and she let out a frustrated sigh.

She got startled when two guards entered her cell, her stomach told her it was about time they usually brought her food but they were empty handed.  
One of the guards was the handsome man from earlier, the other one was the blonde younger man she had scratched in the face.

‘Are you hungry?’ the young one asked as he stepped closer to her.  
She nodded her head.  
‘Good,’ he said with a grin on his face,’ you get your food as soon as you do something for me.’

He let his hand run through her hair and down over her shoulder and her breast where he slowed down and carefully cupped one breast with his hand, letting out a soft moan as he pushed himself against her.  
Mia could feel his arousel against her thigh and looked away in disgust.

‘You think you’re too good for me?’ his voice was starting to sound angry and he pushed her up against the wall even more, pushing himself between her legs while he pulled up her dress and his hands found their way to her panties which he tried to pull off. 

Mia struggled to push him back, the realisation of what was about to happen made her tear up.  
‘No, stop, stop it!’ she cried in fear and frustration at not being able to defend herself.

‘I want you to scream for me,’ he threatened her and just as panic was starting to fully hit her, the guard was the one who let out a scared scream and she watched him fly through the air and against the wall. 

She could see the other guard was being thrown out of the cell and she stared right into the blue eyes of prince Loki, who stared down at the guard with anger in his eyes.

‘It appears you are the one doing all the screaming,’ he said annoyed to the guard who was still moaning in pain.  
Mia quickly pulled her dress down and didn’t dare to move or speak when Loki walked up to her.

‘Are you hurt?’ his voice sounded softer than she had ever heard him before.  
She shook her head.  
‘Are you sure?’ he asked again.  
‘Yes,’ she said softly, wanting to look at him but still afraid to,’ I’m fine.’

He walked up closer to her, something about this man’s presence made her very nervous, she didn’t know if it was because of his power or just his whole appearance but her heart was still pounding in her chest.

‘Look at me,’ Loki ordered her, more firmly now.

She lifted her eyes and met his gaze, the blue eyes staring into hers captivated her, she wouldn’t be able to look away now if her life depended on it.

‘They will not touch you again,’ he said, his voice still sounded very cold but also reassuring, this was the prince and he had just promised her…to protect her. Is that what he did?

‘Thank you,’ she spoke softly and a little confused, still taken aback by her unlikely savior,’ your royal highness, thank you so much.’  
His eyes rested on her for a little while longer but he didn’t speak another word and left the cell after a few minutes.

***

He walked the halls of the palace a little bit later, there was music in the distance from the feast downstairs, he made a habit of avoiding these social gatherings, it was nothing but a waste of time to him and something he had no need for.

As he approached his room he could see two girls awaiting him by the door, they were both dressed in long red see-through dresses cut out to show their cleavage and their curly hair danced across their shoulders as they giggled at the sight of him.

‘Your highness,’ one of them purred,’ what can we do to make your night more…enjoyable?’  
He shook his head with a little smile, this was his brother’s doing again, sending him a couple of Lily’s whores so he wouldn’t have to spend the night alone while the rest of the palace was feasting the night away.

‘I’m sure we’ll be able to think of something,’ Loki smiled and opened the door to let them inside his chambers.

Before the door was even closed the girls had their hands all over him, one was tugging at his coat and threw it on the floor while the other was already unbuttoning his pants.

Loki lead them to the bed and pulled off both their dresses with one twist of his hand, making the girls let out a scream of excitement before they joined him on the bed naked. He was lying down, ready to let the girls do their work on him.  
He could use a night of not having to think about anything and he couldn’t wait to put the situation with the prison girl out of his head.

One girl took his head on her lap as she sat behind him and started kissing him all over his face, neck and chest, letting her nails run along his stomach while her breasts rubbed his face, Loki cupped her large breasts and licked her nipples. He felt them grow hard in seconds at the feel of his tongue, the other girl climbed on top of him and began grinding up against his erection very seductively.

‘Well, I see you’re ready for us already,’ she smiled, happily surprised by his prominent arousel. She started teasing him by grinding up against him faster, taking him in between her folds but never letting him enter her completely.

Loki was not distracted by her attempts to turn him on or her loud cries and moans, what started out as a plan to tease him was quickly becoming more frustrating for herself and her moans grew louder and more desperate.

He took the other girl by the hair and pulled her next to him, kissing her deeply while his fingers slid down the insides of her thighs until he found her weak spot. He felt how wet she was and heard her cry out his name already and he had barely touched her. He knew she would quickly come undone when his fingers slipped in and out of her, making her breathe heavily against his face while he worked his fingers faster and faster. 

These girls were just too easy.

‘Now!’ she moaned loudly as she faced the other girl who finally helped him enter her, she took him in completely and started riding him fast.  
Loki moved his hips from the bed and thrusted into her, she was fighting to keep her screams inside while he brought her closer to her release.

‘I want you both to scream for me,’ he whispered and moved his hips and his hand, having both girls come undone for him and filling his room with heavy moans and a few loud screams. 

He held back his own orgasm until they were done, as always he would only lose control when he allowed himself to but when he closed his eyes he couldn’t hold back any longer and felt his climax suddenly overtake him.

He could see her dark sad eyes and her dirty blonde hair, the way she looked at him back there and how her dress was pushed up all the way to her thigh showing off her naked legs. With a few more hard thrusts he came hard and his eyes rolled back into his head while he let out a soft but long moan.

‘Oh fuck,’ he whispered, catching his breath,’ fuck!’

The two girls were giggling again as they sat next to each other on the bed and looked at him with lust in their eyes.

‘Want to go again, your highness?’ one of them asked softly and she let her hand run along his thigh but Loki quickly pushed her away and got up from the bed.

‘Leave,’ Loki said while he put his pants back on.  
The girls looked at him with a confused look on both their faces.

‘Did we do something wrong your highness?’ one of them asked,’ we are yours to do with as you please, all night, whatever you want.’

‘Out!’ he yelled, angry this time and he threw their dresses at them.  
‘Your brother paid for the whole night.’  
‘Leave now!’ Loki repeated.  
They hurried out of the room leaving him alone.

He walked up to the balcony and stepped outside, the music was still playing and he could hear laughter in the distance, it was completely dark now. 

On most of these nights he would have been in his room with those girls all night long and he would enjoy every minute of it and made sure they did aswell, but tonight he somehow didn’t feel up to it, it was all meaningless and superficial and at the end of the day none of it really mattered at all.

But what threw him off even more was where his mind went…  
Why were his most intimate thoughts about her? Why was her face the one he saw in the heat of the moment, why was the image of only an inch of her naked skin what drove him over the edge?

He tried to banish these thoughts from his head, there were other more important things to think about right now, a girl was the last thing he needed and yet he knew he wouldn’t be able to put her out of his thoughts for the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Mia woke up from an uncomfortable sleep the next morning, she was drifting between sleep and consciousness again, unable to tell how much of the time she had actually really slept, and she couldn’t decide whether the dreams were just dreams or whether they were flashes of memories, they felt very real. 

She could feel the madness slowly but surely overtaking her again, she needed to get out of this cell and soon.

She stood up and started pacing the room when she noticed the activity in the hallway. There were a lot more guards than usual and they were unlocking cells and taking people out. 

Before she could even think about what was happening, the door to her cell was opened too and 2 guards she hadn’t seen before took her by the arms and dragged her out. 

She wasn’t sure whether to protest or just go along with it. She had wanted out of that cell more than anything but she feared that wherever they were taking her would be worse.

‘Where are you taking me?’ she asked.  
One of the guards looked at her with an evil smirk on his face before he answered her,’ to your grave.’

Mia felt her heart stop, when she looked around at the other prisoners she could see the fear on their faces now and the desperation in their eyes, but what really made her stomach turn was the sound of the crying and screaming, it was the sound of people who knew they were about to leave this world with force and there was nothing they could do about it. It was the fear of death and it made every hair on her arms stand up.

‘No!’ she protested as they were approaching the end of the halway. ‘Nooooo!’  
She tried to break free from their hands but they tightened their grip and pushed her even harder.

‘Let go of me!’ she screamed in panic and managed to kick one of the guards in the groin making him moan in pain and lose his grip on her, giving her the opportunity to break free from them. 

She ran back into the hallway, knowing there was no way out but she had to try, she would not just let them take her life without a fight. She ran with every last bit of energy she had left in her.

‘Stop her!’ she could hear them scream.

She found a stairway at the end of the hall and rushed down the stairs but her long dress made her slip and fall, she fell to her knees and when she touched the ground with her hands she looked up at two long legs covered in black leather pants. 

She didn’t need to look up to know who was standing before her.

‘Your royal highness,’ she cried, keeping her head down to the floor,’ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…’  
The two guards were standing behind her again.  
‘We’ll take her back, your highness,’ one of them said,’ we don’t want her to be late for the beheading.’

Mia cringed at the word beheading and couldn’t stop the tears, she felt numb when the guards pulled her from the ground and carried her back up the stairs. She kept her head down, afraid to look at Loki as they dragged her further away from him.

‘Wait!’

Loki’s voice made the guards stop in their tracks, they turned around and made Mia face him, she couldn’t keep her eyes away this time and looked right at him, her vision blurred by tears.

‘Your highness?’ one ot the guards asked.   
‘Bring her to my quarters,’ Loki said, making Mia gasp for air and the guards so baffled they didn’t answer him right away.

‘Do I have to repeat myself?’ Loki said, louder this time.  
‘No, your highness, of course not,’ the guard said and they started dragging Mia back down the stairs and through the hallway leading to the palace. 

Mia was still too numb to process what just happened, she could only look behind her and see Loki staring back.

***.

The guards pushed her inside and locked the door behind her, she was overwhelmed by the first sight of these rooms.   
They were immense, the ceilings were incredibly high, the floor was made from huge marble tiles so shiny it looked like they had just been cleaned.   
There was a big couch in the room and tables filled with big colourful flowers, gigantic bookshelves filled the far corners of the room and there were more small couches to sit on, all covered by beautiful golden sheets.  
There were no windows but one wall of the room was completely open, letting in a soft breeze and leading up to a big balcony that looked out over the city and the water.

Everything about this place was gorgeous, in the room next to this one there was a very large four-poster bed filled with pillows in different bright colors and golden sheets. There were huge green plants in every corner of both the rooms.

Mia hardly dared to move, she knew her clothes and boots were dirty, she didn’t want to sit anywhere and anger the prince again.  
She tried to let what just happened sink in, he saved her, twice now.   
Why? What did he want with her?

She jumped when the door opened and a young girl came in.  
‘Hi,’ she said shyly, putting her brown long hair behind her ear as she looked at Mia,’ I’m sorry, I am Cara, prince Loki’s maid.’

‘Hello Cara,’ Mia gave her a hesitant smile, not sure how to behave, she noticed the girl was holding a white dress over her arms.  
Cara noticed her staring.

‘Prince Loki wants you to wear these, there’s a bathroom right over there, you can get cleaned up.’  
‘What does he want from me?’ Mia asked, biting her lip as soon as the words came out. She hadn’t meant to be so direct but the whole situation made her very nervous and uncomfortable

‘We are taught never to question his actions,’ Cara answered strict,’ neither should you.’  
She still looked at her with a small smile on her face but Mia had noticed the tone in that comment and decided not to ask anything else.

‘I will leave you now,’ Cara said.  
‘Thank you for the dress,’ Mia said softly.


	5. Chapter 5

What in the name of Asgard was he doing?! 

Loki paced the hallway in front of his room, knowing she was in there.

He couldn’t help himself, the thought of the girl being killed was not something he could have lived with. He had never felt compassion with a stupid peasant before but this one was different, he could feel it and he couldn’t bear the thought of her dead.   
He saw no other way to save her but to claim her as his own. Only now he wasn’t sure what to do with her.

He took another deep breath and entered his room, it was empty when he walked in but when he entered his bedroom he saw her coming out from the bathroom. She was wearing the simple white dress he gave her, it didn’t show a lot of skin but he could see all her curves through it and tried not to stare. 

Her hair was still a bit wet and falling over her right shoulder as she looked up and noticed him.   
Her eyes shot down again right away, still scared to look him in the eyes.

Loki took the opportunity to stare at her, without the dirt and the raggy dress she took his breath away even more, everything about her was beautiful.   
From her big dark eyes to the few freckles on her face, she was not too skinny but everything was perfectly in proportion. Her breasts were small but he could see them pushing against the top of the dress, showing a little cleavage, his eyes dropped to her thighs when he sighed and forced himself to look away.  
He stepped closer to her and tried to compose himself.

‘Thank you so much, your highness,’ she said softly,’ you saved my life.’  
‘Yes, well,’ he was lost for words, this never happened to him and it frustrated him to the core. 

He was a powerful prince, a king almost, how could one woman reduce him to this weakness of a man?!

She lifted her eyes carefully and dared to glance at him.

‘If I may ask, your highness,’ Mia said hesitantly. ‘Why? What do you want with me…from me I mean?’  
Loki felt a bit better hearing the trembling of her voice and seeing the nerves on her face, reminding him he was still the one in control here.

‘Whatever I want,’ he then said, his voice sounding very dominant again,’ I claimed you as my own, you are mine now.’

His words made her shiver but not out of fear, she could feel the heat rising up inside of her at his words and the way they rolled off his tongue, making it difficult for her to breathe all of a sudden.

‘It was the only way I could think of to save you,’ he then said softer, the shift in his tone made him sound like a different person all of a sudden.   
Mia locked eyes with him, it was the first time he didn’t talk down to her like a prince but as a human being.

‘Thank you,’ she said again,’ but…what does that mean?’

‘It means you have to stay in my quarters, that is all I will ask of you, you are not my slave or my servant or…anything else.’

She kept her eyes on him, surprised by his words, if he didn’t save her for his own personal needs than why?

‘I will show you to your room,’ he guided her through the back of his living room to a small room filled with a smaller bed and a tiny window.

‘It is not much but you are free to roam in my rooms during the day, this is just…for sleeping,’ his voice was sounding a little bit nervous all of a sudden.  
Mia looked at him and nodded her head,’ this is more than I could ask for, thank you, your highness.’

He nodded his head as he walked to the door, turning around to face her once more before he left.

‘Call me Loki from now on.’

 

***

The next days went by a lot faster than the previous ones, Mia slept for hours relishing the feel of the comfortable and warm bed after having slept on the hard cold floor for weeks. She enjoyed the plates of delicious food that came into the room every day, she sat by the balcony and dreamed away with the soft breeze in her hair and the smell of the outside world. 

Loki didn’t show himself a lot but she was rather relieved by that, she still couldn’t shake her nerves every time he came close to her and she had the weird feeling that he also felt nervous around her, she was also still oblivious to his reasons for keeping her here or why he had saved her in the first place.

She sat by the balcony that night as the sun was starting to go down when Loki entered his room.   
His face was a closed book, he could look so serious and preoccupied sometimes, she wondered what was on his mind.

She stood up as soon as he entered the living room.  
‘I’ll go to my room,’ she said quietly.  
‘You don’t have to,’ he said, swallowing the rest of his sentence as he shook his head.

Mia stood stil, not sure whether to leave or stay.  
Loki filled two glasses of wine and sat down on the edge of the balcony, swinging his long legs over the side and reaching one glass to Mia.  
‘Stay and drink with me.’

It sounded more like an order than a question and she didn’t hesitate in taking the glass before she sat down beside him, suddenly realising how close he was to her, their legs were almost touching and sending a warm sensation through her veins.

Loki’s eyes glanced at her, studying her profile in the moonlight. Her skin was pale but not nearly as pale as he was, her eyes looked even darker and more compelling from up close and his eyes were stuck on her lips when she took a sip from the wine glass meeting his eyes as she looked up.   
His eyes were more blue than any eyes she had ever seen, hypnotising almost, she could feel that aside from whatever magic he possessed there was a lot of power in this man, but there was also something else there, a vulnerability, she could see a powerful man but also a lost child all in one.

‘Do you still not remember anything?’ Loki asked after a while, she shivered at the sound of his deep voice breaking the silence between them.  
‘No,’ she said softly,’ I wish there was something, however small but..my mind is blank.’

‘That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, you can start all over and be whoever you want to be, not who you were born to be.’  
She could hear the frustration in his voice, it was clear he wasn’t entirely happy with who he was born to be. Why would a prince not be happy about that?

‘You have to know where you come from to know who you are,’ she said softly.  
‘What if it’s not what you thought, or what you wanted? What if you’re something else entirely?’

She noticed his voice had dropped and heard more emotion in him than she had before. This was the first actual conversation between them and hearing him talk like a real human being with feelings draw her to him even more. She wanted to know who the man behind the prince was.

‘You would still be you,’ she said,’ where you come from is a part of you but it doesn’t have to define you.’

She could see her words affected him. His face calmed down again and there was even a little smile, she let her eyes wonder off and stared at the water outside.

‘Am I allowed to go outside, Loki?’ she asked him after a while.  
Hearing her say his name shook him for a minute.  
‘No, it’s not allowed.’  
‘I thought I wasn’t your slave?’  
‘You’re not,’ he said, not showing any emotion at her direct question,’ but the palace has to think you are.’

She was quiet, she shouldn’t have asked that, he was trying to help her in the best way he could.

‘I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked that, forgive me,’ she said, seeing his face soften,’ you’ve been kinder to me than I deserve.’

‘We all deserve kindness’ he said and his voice suddenly sounded more distant again.   
Mia was taken aback by how fast his emotions changed, there was a lot more to this man than she initially thought.  
Her heart sank at the thought that maybe he didn’t receive kindness very often, but then again he probably didn’t give it very often either. 

But he did give it to her. She looked away realising she had been staring at him.

‘We’ll address it again later,’ he stood up,’ but for now I am sorry, you have to stay here.’

‘That’s fine,’ she said while she stood up as well,’ thank you, Loki.’  
‘No need to thank me,’ he said quickly,’ I will see you in the morning.’

She left the living room and shut her bedroom door behind her. She leaned against the door frame, listening to her heartbeat slowing down before she let out a deep sigh. Her cheeks were flushed again, she would have to learn to be in his presence and keep her composure. 

He was a prince and however luxury the rooms were or however good he treated her, she shouldn’t forget that she was still his prisoner.


	6. Chapter 6

She was running again, it was completely dark, she couldn’t see anything but somehow she knew she was in an underground tunnel. She moved fast this time, escaping whatever it was that was chasing her, she could feel it burn, everything was on fire and there seemed to be no end to these tunnels. 

The energy that she felt running through her veins disappeared with every step until she couldn’t move anymore and she fell to the ground. She could hear people screaming for help as the fire swallowed them whole. One girl grabbed her hand and pulled her along, the girl was blonde just like her but much younger and her eyes looked scared and teary.

‘Come on, I’m not leaving you!’ the girl yelled as she pulled her up and they both ran until all of a sudden she was thrown back by a huge explosion, making her scream in fear as the girl was pulled away from her and her hands were reaching out into the dark nothingness.

She jumped up in her bed, covered in sweat and shaking like a leaf. 

‘Fuck!’ she gasped for air and tried to find her breathing again. There was no way these dreams were random, she didn’t believe that anymore. There was a part of the answers she was looking for in every dream, she was sure about that. 

She decided to write down the parts she could remember from now on, it was all she had to hold onto, it wasn’t a lot but she was not giving up, she would fight to get her memory back, fight to find herself again. 

***

She waited for Loki that night but he didn’t show, she was alone in his room for the next few days, the only one she saw was Cara bringing her food every day.

It wasn’t until 4 days later that she heard him stumble through the door in the middle of the night, she was out of her bed in seconds but stopped at her door, should she go out there or just wait until the morning?

She still found it difficult to anticipate his reaction and though she wanted nothing more than to see him part of her was scared and preferred to just go back to bed.   
What if he didn’t want to be disturbed?

But she was too awake now to fall back asleep and her thoughts were all him.

She opened her door carefully and stepped inside the living room, the lights were dimmed but she could see more light coming from his bedroom.  
‘Loki?’ she asked, not wanting to startle him as she slowly walked to the bedroom.

Her heart stopped when she saw him, her eyes glanced at his leather pants and his naked chest but stopped at the wounds on his arms and head.

‘Loki!’ she gasped.  
‘Why are you awake?’ he asked surprised.  
‘I’m sorry,’ she stuttered,’ are you alright?’

‘It will heal,’ there was no emotion in his voice.  
‘What happened to you?’ she asked, unable to hide her concern for him.  
He stayed quiet.  
‘I’m sorry,’ she wished she could take back her words,’ I’m sure it’s none of my business…I was just…worried about you.’

She couldn’t read the expression on his face but it looked most like surprise or disbelief to her, there was not a hint of anger or frustration and that made her decide to do what she did next.

She walked closer untill she was standing face to face with him allowing her eyes to explore every part of his face and his neck, his skin looked so pale and so soft, almost unreal, unnatural, and his eyes…

She could feel her heart against her chest as he stared back at her, he leaned forward until his face was almost touching hers and she felt his breath brush her lips and her cheeks, waking up the butterflies in her stomach.   
She was drawn to him in a way she couldn’t explain.

‘Are you hurt?’ she asked softly.  
‘No,’ he whispered, his body leaned against hers. He wanted to touch her more than anything but he didn’t want to scare her off.

He shivered when she let her hand run across his bare chest, very softly. Her hand was shaking, she was scared he would push her away any minute now but she noticed he was shivering under her touch. 

His hand took hers and brought it down from his chest, it felt very cold against hers, giving her even more goosebumps. She grabbed hold of it, not wanting him to stop touching her.

‘Loki…I…,’ she whispered, the rest of her words were interrupted when he put his lips on hers, kissing her slowly and softly. 

Mia put her arms around him, encouraging him to keep kissing her, the kiss soon became more heated, Loki was licking and sucking her lips and her tongue was searching for his. 

She felt weak in the knees, his kisses were so intoxicating she never wanted him to stop. Her hands were running through his hair and along his chest as his breathing became heavier and louder.

She was so caught up in the moment that she let her hand run lower, along the belt of his pants and lower to his growing hardness.

‘Stop!’ Loki yelled and pushed her away from him in one fast movement.

‘No,’ he said and as quickly as the moment had started, it was over.

‘I can not do this with you,’ he said, still trying to control his breathing. She could hear the doubt and confusion in his voice, like he was saying one thing but thinking another.

‘Why not?’ she was still looking at him with eyes full of fire,’ it’s okay… I want you to.’  
She stept closer to him again but stopped as soon as she saw him take another step back, away from her.

He stared at her, her flushed cheeks and sensual lips, still red from his kisses, he could see her chest heaving up and down as she breathed fast and he felt his erection strain against the inside of his pants.   
Every inch of him wanted her right here and now and it was taking everything he had to fight it.

‘I’m so, so sorry,’ she muttered, taking her distance from him now,’ I shouldn’t have done that…I’m sorry.’  
She hurried out of the room and he quickly heard the door of her bedroom close behind her.

Loki let out a deep sigh as he put on his shirt, he needed to get out of here, maybe Lily still had a girl for him tonight. He needed to get rid of this urge that she had put in him. 

Saving her turned out to be one of his worst ideas, he could feel himself starting to feel for her, it was more than just the attraction, she had managed to get under his skin, into his thoughts when she was the last thing he wanted to think about. 

He was always in control and more importantly he never gave into his emotions, not anymore, emotions were a distraction, a weakness, and he couldn’t afford to be made weak.


	7. Chapter 7

Mia didn’t dream that night, she lied awake for hours reliving that moment with Loki and trying to find where it all went wrong. He initiated the kiss and she remembered how he reacted to her touch, there was no doubt he wanted her but for whatever reason he didn’t want to give into it. 

She could not push him, he was still a powerful prince and she was…well, what was she?

By the time the sun came up she had decided to deal with this the only way she saw possible, she would act like it never happened.

She decided to focus on herself, she had been keeping a small diary of her dreams for the past week. She reread every single word and studied every drawing she made but it didn’t bring back anything.

She also started reading the books that were in Loki’s living room, she read about Asgard, and the other 8 realms, about Odin and Thor and his hammer, and about Loki. 

After two days of reading she put down the books and sat back in one of the small couches, she closed her eyes and pushed against her forehead. All the reading had given her a headache and nothing she had read sounded familiar at all. 

She was not one step closer to finding out anything about who she was or where she came from.

Frustrated she stood up and threw the book away with all the strength she had, it hit Loki on the head as he walked into the room.  
‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry,’ she gasped.  
‘That’s Asgardian property,’ Loki raised his eyebrow at her.

She stared at him for a minute, there was hardly anything left of the cuts and bruises, he healed very fast.   
He also seemed a lot more relaxed than he was a few days ago.

‘Do you want to take a walk with me, outside?’ he asked, causing surprise on Mia’s face.  
‘Yes,’ she answered immediately,’ yes, of course!’

***  
They walked the gardens next to the palace a little bit later. Mia was blown away by the beauty of Asgard, everything was immense and impressive, she felt like walking in an ancient fairytale and a futuristic paradise at the same time. 

She didn’t know where to look first, her mouth dropped at the sight of the golden palace, putting a little smile on Loki’s face.

‘It is so beautiful,’ she said in awe.   
‘It is home,’ Loki said,’ sort of.’  
‘Home,’ she sighed, her thoughts leaving the gorgeous Asgard for a moment, what she wouldn’t give to know where her home was. Loki noticed the change in her expression.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly,’ we’ll talk about something else.’

‘What happened the other night?’ Mia asked and she looked at him, his face turned into an uncomfortable small grin.  
‘Your wounds, I mean,’ she explained.

‘Oh,’ he said, relieved,’ it’s nothing for you to worry about.’  
‘I don’t want you to get hurt,’ she realised she was walking a thin line again and she didn’t want to cross it this time. 

She looked away and breathed in the fresh air.

‘Thank you for taking me out here,’ she smiled.

Loki stopped and turned around to face her, he was struck by her smile and the way it made her whole face light up.

Mia held her breath as he let his hand run through her hair very carefully. His thumb caressed her cheek and stopped on her neck while his eyes rested on her face and he licked his lips.   
She longed for those lips on hers but after last time she was afraid to make any move.

‘You need a name,’ he said, bringing her back to her senses,’ I want to know what to call you.’  
‘You can call me anything you want,’ she said, surprised by her own words,’ I mean…pick a name for me.’

He stared into her eyes and she saw him studying her face, thinking of a name that would suit her perfectly, or fit the way he saw her anyway.

‘I have one,’ he said after a while, his hand sank from her neck to her waist and rested there,’ Astrid.’  
‘Astrid,’ she repeated softly and smiled again,’ I like it, why that one?’

‘Because,’ he whispered,’ it fits you perfectly.’  
‘I’ll take it,’ she smiled.

They both jumped at the sound of a group running towards them, Mia saw 4 palace guards and by their haste and flushed faces it was clear they had an urgent matter.

‘Your royal highness,’ one of them asked after he took a bow,’ Odin has demanded your presence immediately.’

She could see the change in Loki’s behavior almost instantly, in one second he had changed from the man into the prince.  
‘Please escort…Astrid to my quarters,’ he ordered one of the guards,’ the rest of you come with me.’

He was gone before Mia could say another word.

***

Loki stayed away for days again, leaving Mia alone in his quarters, with only the occasional visit from Cara who brought her food and fresh clothes.

‘Are you alright, miss?’ Cara asked on the fourth day. She had found Mia curled up on the small couch every day when she came in, staring outside with a sad worried look on her face.

‘Yes,’ Mia nodded her head and looked at her, she tried to smile and put on a brave face but Cara saw right through her.  
‘Do not worry about prince Loki,’ Cara reassured her,’ he always comes back.’

Mia wasn’t as much worried that he wouldn’t come back as she was about the state in which he would return.

‘Do you know where he is?’ Mia asked.  
‘I’m not allowed to talk about the prince’s whereabouts,’ Cara was already headed for the door,’ I’m sorry.’  
‘It’s okay,’ Mia sighed.

‘Oh can I ask one more thing?’ she then asked, just before Cara left the room.  
‘Sure,’ Cara looked at her with a sympathetic look in her eyes.  
‘Do you know what the name Astrid means?’

‘I’m sorry, I have no idea miss, but I’m sure it’s in one of those books on the shelf.’  
‘Thank you,’ Mia sighed and watched the door close.

She stood up and looked at the plate full of gorgeous food, it smelled delicious but she wasn’t the least bit hungry. 

She walked to the bookshelf in search of a name and found a book on the origin of Asgard and everything Asgardian, in the end of the book she found a list of names and their meaning.  
It didn’t take long for her to find Astrid.

Astrid, an old Norse name, meaning divine beauty or beautiful goddess

‘Fuck,’ she whispered and she felt a sting between her legs and a burning in her heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki walked the hallway in the palace, his staff in his hand and his messy hair covered in blood. It wasn’t his blood, it usually never was, these fights did not even form a challenge for him. 

He was caught off guard last week because his mind wasn’t in the game but with the girl, he wouldn’t let that happen again. 

He placed his staff in the hidden room in the hallway before he entered his room..

Mia was sleeping in her bedroom which gave him time to clean up before she would have to see him like this.

She was lying awake when she heard the door opening and closing, she jumped up in her bed but didn’t step out. She couldn’t, not after last time, but she wanted to see him, be with him, now even more than before. 

She had thought about it so much over the past days, her desire for him was all that was on her mind and she wondered if it was part of his powers, to influence and infatuate her, to turn her brain to mush and make her a slave to her lust for him.

The books had a lot of information about Asgardians and their magic and Loki in particular. She knew he was powerful right from the start but from what she read he was a lot more powerful than she could even imagine and the books left a lot to the imagination. 

It would explain why she had been so drawn to him so fast so easily. She couldn’t remember ever having had such strong feelings for someone, or such desires, her memory may be damaged but she knew that much. This must be trickery or magic, what else could explain it?

She heard movements in the other room and climbed out of bed very quietly. He was right there, at the other end of the door, she could hear him moving around.   
Her initial plan of staying in bed and ignoring him turned out to be harder than she thought, she needed to know if he was alright and opened the door.

Loki stood right in front of her, he must have been on his way to her room which caused a tiny smile on her face.

Again he was wearing nothing but his leather pants but there were no cuts or bruises on him this time. 

Mia realised too late that she forgot to put on her dress, she was only wearing a short white shirt in which she slept and she could see Loki’s eyes resting on her breasts and going down to her thighs and her legs as he licked his lips and walked up to her.

‘Hi,’ she said softly and she looked at his face until he looked back at her.  
‘Hi,’ his eyes were roaming over every part of her body, making her blush.

‘Tell me what Astrid means,’ she asked.  
‘You already know what it means,’ he said softly, noticing how she looked at him, his voice sounded even deeper than usual,’ it means beautiful, dangerously beautiful.’

Their eyes stayed locked as he stepped close to her.

‘Am I dangerous?’ she asked softly.  
‘You distract me,’ he whispered, his hand touched hers and slowly rubbed her palm,’ that’s not a good thing.’

She looked away with a little smile, feeling her heart race.

‘Am I beautiful?’ she then asked.  
‘Yes,’ his voice was drenched in desire,’ you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I have never wanted anything more.’

Hearing him say the words set her on fire, his hands were on her waist, she was weak in the knees already when his lips caressed her neck slowly, making her moan his name in a whisper.   
‘Please don’t stop this time,’ she begged him and pulled him closer to her.

She put her hands on the belt of his pants and pulled him against her, feeling how hard he was through the leather. He caressed her hair and crashed his lips on hers, taking her breath away.  
His tongue was forcing its way in between her lips wanting to taste every inch of her and she moaned into his mouth and opened her lips to allow him in. 

He was grinding up against her, pushing his hardness between her legs, making her bite her lip. She felt the heat build up inside of her, it was consuming her, she felt like she was litterally on fire and his touch was the only thing that could put it out.

‘I need you,’ she moaned and let her hand slide into his pants. She rubbed him until his breath was heavy with lust, this time he didn’t pull away but he pushed his hips into her hand and guided her to the couch, pushing her down on it. He ripped her shirt from her and his pants were off in an instant.

He took her wrists and held them above her head while he kissed and licked her neck, making his way to her breasts and making her squirm underneath him as his tongue found her nipples. He used his power to hold her hands above her head, his one hand cupped and squeezed her breast while the other made its way to her inner thighs. 

She struggled with her breathing when his fingers slid between her legs and found her weak spot already soaking wet.

When he started moving his long fingers in small circles faster and faster she let out such a loud moan he lost his focus and her hands were loose, giving her the chance to take her control back. 

She dug her nails deep into his back and sucked his bottom lip. She arched her back and rolled her hips, rubbing her wetness up against him, causing him to moan out loudly. 

His fingers were still working her clit bringing her on the verge of her orgasm.

‘Wait,’ she sighed deeply while she pulled his hand away from her center.  
‘Let me,’ he moaned in between breaths,’ let me…make you come.’

Her legs curled up around him and she helped him find her entrance to let him slide inside, making him lose the last bit of control he had but he didn’t care anymore, all he wanted was to get lost in her.

‘Together,’ she softly whispered into his ear as she rocked her hips and let him fill her up completely while she sucked on his neck, driving him crazy. His desire for her was out of his control now, he wouldn’t be able to last much longer.

He was thrusting harder and harder, she could see his eyes roll back into his head as he struggled to hold off his release to match hers. 

She felt her climax approach fast when he started moaning loudly into her ear, pushing her deeper and deeper into the couch with every thrust. She was biting her lip and clutching the side of the couch when her orgasm hit her with full force and her scream filled the room. 

As her legs started to shake she felt him releasing inside of her and he gave one final thrust before he collapsed onto her and they both fought to bring their breathing back to normal.

She put her arms around him and held him close to her, she wanted to hold onto this moment.

Loki rolled down next to her on the big couch and held her close, he felt his entire body shiver and his heart was racing in his chest.   
Never with all the girls he had before, and there had been many, had it ever felt like this.   
It scared him, but also amazed and fascinated him, whatever she was doing to him he didn’t want her to stop.

Mia’s eyes locked with his and she kissed him again, softly and slowly this time, allowing herself to taste every inch of his mouth and his lips. 

He let out a deep sigh after the kiss and just stared at her while he kept stroking her back and her hair, holding her naked body against his as he held his face against hers, letting his lips brush against her soft skin.

‘Are you okay?’ Mia was drowning into his eyes and the admiring way he was looking at her.   
She had never seen him this quiet and this intense and she knew it wasn’t the sex. She had felt it clearly in his movements, he was experienced, way more than she was but now that it was over he seemed so impressed by what just happened she wasn’t sure what that meant.

‘I’m okay,’ he said softly and kissed her forehead,’ that was…I…you are…’  
He still couldn’t find any words and she smiled as she curled up against him.

‘Will you lay with me for the rest of the night, please?’ she whispered.

‘Yes,’ was all he managed to say before he pulled her against his chest and closed his eyes.

***

Mia woke up alone on the couch the next morning, the sun filled the room and she was covered by a warm blanket.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up straight when she noticed she was wearing her shirt, she couldn’t remember putting it back on. 

She sat up and panicked for a minute when she noticed she was alone again.  
‘Loki?’ she asked carefully.

He emerged from the bedroom, wearing his leather suit and coat, a little smile on his face when he looked at her, calming her thoughts that he would want to forget about the night before.

‘I thought you left,’ she said.

He took her hand and pulled her up from the couch, meeting her lips in a deep kiss. She grabbed hold of his shoulders to keep her balance and leaned into his kiss, his tongue drove her crazy, she couldn’t get enough of him and she could hear by his soft moans in between kissing her that she had the same effect on him. 

She leaned into him and they both tried to catch their breath.

‘Good morning,’ she smiled.  
‘Good morning, Astrid,’ he said softly, she loved the way her name sounded on his lips. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t her real name, hearing it from him she knew it was the only name she would ever want to hear again.

‘Do you have to go?’ she asked him.  
‘I’m afraid so.’

‘Will you be back soon?’  
‘I can not tell you that,’ he stepped away from her and headed towards the door.

‘Really?!’ she said, the frustration was clear in the tone of her voice and she didn’t hide it,’ you’re still not going to talk to me even after last night?!  
He turned around to face her, a little amused smile on his face.

‘Last night has nothing to do with this,’ he said cold,’ I have things to do, it has nothing to do with you.’

Her eyes turned angry, she was frustrated with him, how could he do what he did to her last night and still shut her out completely this morning? Had it all meant nothing to him? She was so tired of him letting her in and then pushing her away again.

‘Just go then,’ she said softly, watching him as he left the room without even looking back at her. 

She was aware of how easy his emotions could change, she had seen it time after time but after last night she had hoped things would change and they obviously hadn’t, it made her want to be anywhere but close to him.

She retreated into her room and stayed there all day, she didn’t want anything to remind her of Loki and her small room was the only place she had that was only hers and where she even had a chance to block him from her mind. 

She crawled up on the bed and took her diary and drawings on her lap, taking another look at all of them.

Most of the drabbles she had in there made absolutely no sense to her, there were a lot of symbols she didn’t recognise, there was a house that looked really small and very different than anything she had seen here. 

She didn’t know where her home was, but she was starting to become more and more convinced that Asgard was not it.

After about an hour she came across the one drawing that she always returned to, because it looked more specific than anything else she had put on paper, this had been a clear image that kept returning in several of her dreams. 

It was a statue from a woman, she was wearing a long robe and a pointy crown and holding a book in one arm while the other arm was raised above her head and holding a torch with a flame, the whole statue was surrounded by water.

Mia had no idea what or where it was supposed to be but she was convinced there was only one reason she kept seeing it in her dream, this had to be home.


	9. Chapter 9

She ate alone on the balcony that night and stared at the water and the lights of the city, she could hear music in the distance, and voices laughing and singing. It occured to her that there was a whole world out there, people were living and she wasn’t a part of it. 

Her life, whatever and wherever it was, was going on without her.

She suddenly felt more sad and alone than she had since she got here.

All she had to do was sit here all day, wait for Loki to return without knowing what was going on out there.

For the first time the room felt exactly like the small cell she had been in and she felt claustrophobic. She returned to the living room and started pacing around, she jumped when the door opened and Loki walked in.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked when he could see the stress all over her face.  
‘No!’ she snapped,’ no, I am not okay!’  
She clenched her fists and started moving around the room in a fast, nervous pace. Loki had stopped moving and just stared at her.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, a look of surprise on his face.  
‘Why can’t I leave this room?’ 

Loki let out a deep sigh, he didn’t feel like having this conversation again.  
‘Where would you even go?’ he said.  
‘That does not matter!’ she let out a frustrated scream and stood still.

Loki walked up to her and looked into her eyes when she let out a deep sigh.   
‘You’re never going to let me go, are you?’ she then asked softly.

‘I can not just let you go,’ he said, more strict now and she noticed he was avoiding her eyes.

‘Why not?’ she was screaming at him, she had no inhibitions left. Right now she didn’t care if he got angry at her, she was more angry with him than he could ever be.

‘Can’t you see that I am trying to protect you?!’ he yelled back, gritting his teeth as he looked into her eyes again. She could see the anger leave his face as quickly as it had appeared and it calmed her down.

‘You’re not Asgardian,’ Loki then said.  
‘How did you…?’ she asked surprised.  
‘Are you?’ he asked firmly.

‘No,’ she shook her head,’ I don’t believe I am…how long have you known?’  
‘Since I first saw you, I sensed…something about you.’  
‘What am I then?’ she asked quietly, her eyes begging him for an answer but at the same time scared to hear it.  
‘That I don’t know,’ Loki sighed.

She nodded her head and stayed quiet for a minute.  
‘Is that why you saved me?’ she then asked him.

‘Part of it yes, not everyone here is friendly to outsiders, that is why I can not just let you go out there, it is not safe.’  
‘What’s the other part?’ she asked.

He moved closer and touched her arm, one small touch that took her breath away.  
‘I don’t want to let you go,’ he said softly.

She leaned against him and pulled off his leather coat, his mouth quickly found hers and pulled her into a passionate kiss, his coat hit the floor when he pushed her against the wall.   
She threw her legs around him instantly when he pulled her up and kissed him back, desperate to feel him close to her, his skin on hers, his breath, his lips, his tongue, his cock, she wanted it all.

She felt completely under his spell and she was burning up when he started grinding up against her. His hands made their way under her dress and pulled of her panties, she was tugging at his leather pants.

‘Not so fast this time,’ he whispered and she felt her hands being pulled up above her head by his power, his hands however were still all over her.

‘Not…fair,’ she said in between breaths and she found his mouth and started sucking on his lip and tongue. She could feel the effect instantly as his erection was growing and pushing against her centre through her dress, making her wet and aching to feel him deeper between her legs.  
‘Loki,’ she moaned.

Loki held her up with one arm, his other hand moved under her dress, his fingers quickly found her weak spot and started moving around slowly, teasing her. He pushed his hardness against her inner thigh, her desperate moans made him even harder but he would not give in yet.

He fastened his fingers and let them slide in and out of her, slowing his pace every time he felt she was close to her release, driving her crazy.   
‘Faster,’ she begged him, her breathing was fast and heavy,’ don’t stop, please …please!’

He licked her neck and his fingers finally gave her what she needed, rubbing her weak spot hard until he felt her legs shake uncontrollably. She was overtaken by her orgasm, biting her lip to muffle her scream as she came. He held her up until it was over and then released her hands, she let her arms fall around his shoulders and held onto him, still catching her breath.

‘Are you up for more?’ he whispered into her ear and he pulled her legs around him again. The huge bulge in his pants gently rubbing against her center made her ready for him in an instant.

‘Yes,’ she kissed his neck and finally freed his erection from his leather pants, she could tell by his breathing he was more than ready for her and she let him slide inside and rocked her hips slowly. 

His moans were heavy and she could tell he had trouble holding her up with his arms when his desire took over everything else and his power faded away.

She held herself up by his shoulders as his hardness pushed into her, making her hit the wall with every thrust S.on she was ready to burst again and she pulled his hair while he pushed into her harder and faster.  
‘Oh fuck,’ Loki gasped and his eyes rolled back into his head,’ fuck…ah!’

There was nothing that turned her on more than hearing him climax and she felt her second orgasm wash over her, he was riding it out slowly making it last longer untill she was completely finished. 

Soft moans were still escaping her lips as she held onto him, she felt his heart beating against her chest and felt his fast breath on her neck. He held her in his arms, letting himself drown in her smell and the feel of her warm soft skin against his own.

‘You drive me crazy,’ he whispered softly and kissed her neck slowly. 

His lips send shivers through her entire body, she could feel her desire for him build up again, she knew this was insane but she couldn’t stop it. 

She tried to break free from his arms, desperately trying to get out of this spell he had put on her before there was no way back, but she was fighting an impossible battle. He held her up against the wall and as soon as his lips were on her neck again all that was left was her desire, the need to keep touching him and to feel him close.

‘I want to taste every inch of you,’ his breathing was getting heavier again, she let her hand slide down to his crotch and felt him grow hard under her touch. He was insatiable, and she realised to her own surprise that she was too.

She wanted to help him enter her again but he stopped her and sank to his knees while he held his hands on her hips. Before she knew what was happening his lips were on her inner thigh and his hands were spreading her legs even more while his tongue was licking its way up to her center.

‘What..are you…doing?’ she asked under her breath, biting her lip at the sensation his mouth was giving her.  
‘I told you I wanted to taste you,’ he whispered and she felt his tongue licking and sucking her most sensitive spot.

‘Oh god,’ Mia moaned and grabbed his head to keep him in place between her legs. She could hardly keep standing as another orgasm hit her and her scream filled the rooms and the hallway.

***

She woke up in Loki’s bed the next morning, she didn’t remember how she got here, she remembered the living room, and the wall and the multiple orgasms.   
A smile rested on her face as she relived the previous night. 

She had never even imagined it to be possible, to be this addicted to someone, it scared her to the core, this fire inside of her, but it also excited her more than anything and whether he put it there through his powers or not, she never wanted it to burn out.

She put her legs over the side of the bed and noticed she was completely naked this time, she stood up feeling weak in the knees for a minute. Loki had worn her out, she went straight to the bathroom to take a bath and get dressed.

She had no idea where Loki was but she was sure he would return to her, she was already impatient for the moment he would walk through that door again.

The rest of her day was spent dreaming away on the balcony, she was restless just sitting here and waiting, when it had been dark for a while and Loki was still not back she retreated to the living room and took another look in the books she had seen earlier.

There was one book in particular that caught her eye, a book that didn’t just talk about Asgard but also about the other worlds, why hadn’t she noticed this one when she had looked through the shelf earlier?

She took a seat on the couch and quickly glanced through the book that was filled with painted pictures from worlds other than Asgard.   
She read names like Vanaheim, Jotunheim, Nidavellir and Midgard. That last one grabbed her attention, the pictures looked familiar, she could feel her heart starting to beat faster with every picture she saw. 

The trees were small, like she remembered a tree should be, the houses reminded her of the house in her diary, she could see roads and cars and bridges and…the book fell on the floor as her heart stopped and her breath was caught in her throat.

On the open page was a statue of a woman with a pointy crown holding a torch and a book. 

Home…Midgard was home!


	10. Chapter 10

After having read everything she could find about Midgard in the books, which wasn’t that much, Mia started pacing the room.   
She had been restless before but now it was impossible for her to keep her calm. She needed to tell Loki but it took forever for him to come home.

She walked from the living room to the bedroom and back several times, in her excitement and without thinking she tried the handle of the door to the hallway and almost let out a shocked scream as the door opened and she found herself looking out on an empty hallway.

‘What the…?’ she whispered.

Did he forget to lock the door? Or was she never locked up in here to begin with?  
She put her head through the doorway to take a look, there was nobody, she could see a few doors and stairs at the end of the hall.

She was torn, she wanted nothing more than to go outside but she didn’t want to disobey Loki’s orders M.aye she could just go for a little walk, just downstairs to the garden and back. 

She longed for the smell of the trees and the flowers ever since Loki brought her there a few days ago. He never came back to his rooms this early anyway, how would he ever know?

She started walking the hallway quietly, expecting to see a guard appear at any moment but she was still alone as she reached the stairs.

She made it all the way downstairs and carefully opened the door that led her to the gardens. The smell of the flowers and the soft breeze hit her face and made her let out a deep sigh. She felt a calm fall over her when she walked the path between the flowers and looked up at the high walls of the golden palace.  
But her calm was over in an instant when someone grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall by force.

The man held her still and covered her mouth with his hand, her eyes were filled with fear as she stared at him.   
This man did not look like a palace guard, his clothing looked very different than anything she had seen here on Asgard.

‘Shhh,’ he tried to hush her but she wouldn’t keep still,’ stop!’  
She started to fight back even more when she saw the needle in his hand. Her screams were muffled by his other hand as he put the needle into her arm and she fell still into his arms immediately.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered and he lowered her to the ground and laid her down carefully,’ I’m sorry.’

***

‘Where is she?!’ Loki asked angry.  
One of the palace guards walked in front of him.

‘They found her in the gardens your highness,’ the guard said,’ we brought her back to your room and Cara has been taking care of her.’  
Loki walked into his room and saw her lying in the bed, her face pale and her eyes closed.

He took a seat on the side of the bed and put his hand on her forehead, she felt warm.  
‘Open your eyes,’ he said softly.

She slowly opened them and looked up to him, his hand stroked her hair softly and the look on his face was one of relief, followed quickly by anger as he took his hand away and sat further away from her.

‘What happened?’ she asked confused.  
‘I was hoping you would tell me,’ his voice was cold.

She touched her head with her hand and pushed against her forehead, letting out a soft sigh. She remembered walking downstairs to the garden but not much more.

‘Why were you in the garden?’ Loki asked, his tone was serious, it was clear he expected an honest answer from her.

‘I…I don’t remember,’ she said, still sounding a bit confused.  
‘What happened Astrid?’ he insisted.  
‘I don’t know!’ she shouted in frustration.  
Loki was quiet.

‘I dont appreciate being lied to!’  
‘I would never…,’ she sighed, she knew there was nothing she could say to make him convince otherwise,’ I guess…I just wanted to see the gardens, get away from this room for a while.’

‘From this room or from me?’ he asked.  
She bit her lip and avoided his eyes, she couldn’t remember what made her leave the room, why couldn’t she remember?

Loki let out a deep sigh and shifted even further away from her on the bed.  
‘If you didn’t want me to touch you, you should have just said so,’ he then said, she could hear the bitterness of rejection in his words,’ I would have never forced myself on you.’  
‘I know that,’ she said softly, her eyes searched for his but he refused to look at her,’ I wanted you…to touch me, I wanted you to, Loki!’

Her words seemed to have no effect on him and he stood up and turned his back to her.  
‘I think it might be better if you stayed in your room,’ he then said cold,’ and don’t worry, the door will be locked from now on.’

He left her alone in the bedroom without giving her any chance to say something back to him.

Whatever there had been between them Mia knew she had just completely destroyed it.

***

He couldn’t believe he messed up like that, he should have known she would be trouble, she got into his head and she distracted him. He let his guard down, he let her in and he allowed himself to feel, for the first time in a very long time and look where it got him. 

He was tired, tired of being betrayed, tired of not being able to trust anyone, he had hoped that with her it would be different…he had been a fool.

‘Your highness,’ one of the guards rushed behind him but Loki raised his hand and used a forcefield to throw him back against the wall, knocking him unconscious.

‘Leave me!’ Loki yelled angry and he disappeared into the secret chambers in the hallway.

***

Mia retreated to her own room that night as soon as she felt well enough to walk. Physically she was fine but her mind felt blurred, like someone had tried to take pieces from it. 

She remembered flashes of being in the garden but she didn’t remember leaving the room or what caused her to do it.   
And why was the door unlocked anyway? Did he really forget to lock it or was he testing her? If so she had failed that test miserably.

She was alone again for days after that, she didn’t even hear him come in during the nights. After what happened the thought of leaving this room didn’t cross her mind again, she was even afraid to step too close to the door.

Most hours she spent on the balcony, just looking outside, daydreaming or looking through her diary.   
She had the strange feeling that she was forgetting something and that it had something to do with her drawings but as she looked back at all of them nothing seemed familiar and she threw it away on the balcony in anger and went back inside to find Cara walking in with a plate of food.

‘Good evening, miss,’ she said with a little smile.  
‘Hello Cara,’ Mia sighed,’ I know I’m not supposed to ask but do you have any idea where prince Loki is? Or if he is okay at least?’

Cara stared at her for a moment opening her mouth but then closing it again as she shifted on her feet.  
‘Please tell me,’ Mia insisted.  
Cara let out a deep sigh as she put the plate down and looked at Mia.

‘He is not fine,’ she then said, causing panic on Mia’s face,’ physically he is fine but…I’ve worked for him since I was 13 years old, I’ve seen the man behind the prince, as have you, I can tell.’  
Mia nodded her head.

‘You are more than his prisoner,’ Cara continued,’ are you not?’   
‘I don’t know what I am,’ Mia said in all honesty.  
‘You’ve hurt him, he must care for you if you are able to do that.’

‘That was the last thing I wanted,’ Mia said softly.  
‘People see a strong and powerful man and they fear him,’ Cara continued, now that she had started talking there was no stopping her,’ but on the inside…he is fragile, dangerously fragile. He’s had a difficult year, he has lost a lot, been betrayed by many.’

Mia stared at her and Cara stepped back, realising what she had said.

‘I’m sorry, I can not tell you more, I already said too much,’ she started heading back for the door,’ just be careful, miss, love can turn to hate so quickly.’  
Mia nodded her head and let her words sink in.

‘Thank you, Cara,’ she said softly.  
Cara smiled and gave her a little nod before she left the room.

***

It was another 2 days later when Loki finally entered his room again in the middle of the day, finding Mia on the balcony.  
She stood up as soon as she saw him and they were both quiet, staring at each other.

Her blonde hair looked even more like pure gold in the sunlight and he could see her eyes light up when she looked at him. His heart sank and he felt his determination fall, he had meant to keep his distance from her but seeing her now, so close he could just reach out and touch her, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

‘Loki,’ she said softly, her voice filled with emotion,’ are you alright?’  
He nodded his head and walked closer to him.  
‘I am so sorry,’ she continued,’ please believe me I never wanted to run from you…I would never…’

‘It does not matter,’ he said cold,’ I will be gone for a longer time now.’

‘What?’ she said shocked as she shook her head,’ no…no, you can’t!’  
Suddenly the thought of him leaving her again and being locked up in here all alone for more days or even weeks was too much for her.

‘No!’ she said angry,’ you are not leaving me alone here again!’  
She could tell he was taken aback by her anger and she grabbed his chest as he tried to step back from her.

‘No!’ she continued,’ I don’t care what you do but not that! I’m going crazy in here by myself, you can’t do this to me, Loki!’

She let out a deep sigh and let go of him, she raised her eyes to meet his, his expression was impossible to read.

‘Please,’ she spoke softly but determined,’ either take me as your own, all of me, you know I’m yours…but if you don’t want me please just kill me or set me free, just decide what it is that you want with me.’ 

He stared at her for a few seconds, for a moment there she thought he would take her in his arms but then he said the last thing she had expected to hear…  
‘Leave.’

‘What?’ she whispered.  
‘You’re a free woman,’ he said,’ go, leave and don’t come back!’  
She stared at him as the tears welled up in her eyes.  
‘That’s not…,’ she sobbed.

‘You have what you wanted, your freedom,’ he raised his voice,’ now take it!’  
‘I don’t want it!’ she snapped but as she wanted to grab his hand she was pushed away from him by something so powerful it knocked her against the ground.

She looked up shocked to see it was Loki’s hand that knocked her down.

He walked up to her and looked down at her, it was the same face that had looked down at her when he first came to her in that cell in the dungeons.  
‘Leave while you can still walk,’ he threatened her.

His face was so twisted it scared her, she crawled up and hurried out of the room into the hallway and down the stairs, she ran untill she was in the middle of the garden and had to stop to catch her breath. 

She couldn’t stop the tears now and she let out a loud cry while she sank down on her knees. She was surrounded by flowers and breathing in the fresh air as the sun warmed her face but this time it didn’t make her feel better.   
When the initial shock of what just happened wore off she realised she had nowhere to go and she had no idea what to do now.

***

Loki paced the balcony, he was hissing between his teeth and clenching his fists while tears were in his eyes. It was for her own good, and for him too, it was too complicated, she was better off alone out there, it was the right choice, he shouldn’t question it now, it had to be done.

He leaned against the walls of the balcony trying to calm down his breathing when he noticed the book on the floor, it wasn’t one of his books, he knew them all by heart. 

He picked it up and realised it was Mia’s diary, she had told him about it and why she kept it. He looked through it very slowly, allowing himself to look at all her drawings, mostly symbols that didn’t mean anything to him. There were a few houses, buildings and flowers, the initial calm he felt from looking at the beautiful drawings made by her hand slowly disappeared with each image as he started to recognise some things. 

His instincts had been right, she was Midgardian.

When he turned another page he saw the statue, the lady with a pointy crown holding a torch, and felt a cold shiver run through his veins. 

He knew this statue, and he knew the city, he knew it well because he had tried to destroy it almost a year ago.


	11. Chapter 11

Loki was still pacing the room that night, trying to block out what he saw in her diary. The city was her home, New York was her home.

Or maybe it was just familiar to her as it was to many citizens of earth, he was holding on with his last hope that it would be just that but he couldn’t be sure.

Whatever he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about her, he had sent her out there, alone, in a world that she knew nothing about, a world that had no place for her.   
She must be scared and helpless and…

‘No, stop!’ he urged himself, he would not give into this, she was not his problem anymore.

***

Mia walked through the gardens, she could see the trees of the forest in front of her, she had no idea where she was going or what she should be doing, part of her just wanted to turn around and run back to the castle, back to Loki. 

She didn’t feel safe out here all alone, but after his outburst she wasn’t sure if she would feel safe in his presence either now. 

She reached the forest and stopped walking, her feet were tired after walking for several hours. She sank down against the tree, it was uncomfortable but it wasn’t worse than her cell. If she managed to find sleep for a few hours maybe her mind would be clearer, she closed her eyes and it didn’t take long for her to drift off.

He appeared from behind one of the trees and walked closer to her very carefully, he had tried but he couldn’t stay in the castle knowing she might be in danger.

Loki kneeled beside her, looking at her as her chest heaved up and down slowly while she slept. He ran his hand over her arm and rested on her leg as he let out a deep sigh.

Go back to the castle, forget about her, he knew that’s what he should be doing right now.   
Trusting people and allowing them in never worked out well for him, or for them.   
He had no reason to believe this time would be any different. 

But as he sat here looking at her he also realised it was too late, he had already let her in and she had claimed her spot in his heart with ease. 

He let out a deep sigh and carefully pulled her into his arms to lift her off the ground.

***

Mia woke up and it took her a moment to realise she was not on the ground in the forest but in a comfortable bed, Loki’s bed.

When she sat up straight she could see him sitting at the end of the bed, she couldn’t read his expression but his face was calm and his eyes had a soft expression. T  
he fear that she felt for him earlier was gone in an instant.

‘You brought me back?’ she asked carefully.  
He just nodded his head.  
‘Why…?’ 

‘I made a mistake sending you away,’ he confessed,’ I’m sorry…if you still want to leave you’re free to go but…’  
‘I don’t want to go,’ she interrupted him.

He stood at the end of the bed, staring at her but not making any move to come closer so Mia stood up and looked at him.

‘I’m not out to hurt you Loki,’ she then said,’ I don’t know what you think I want from you but…’  
‘What DO you want from me?’ he asked her.

‘What do YOU want from me?’ she returned the question, making him turn away from her.

‘You know nothing about me, Astrid,’ he sighed,’ you don’t know what I did, what I am. ’  
She walked around him to force him to look at her.

‘Then tell me,’ she said softly,’ tell me everything.’

He let out a little chuckle, there was no way he could tell her everything.

‘Tell me something then at least,’ she asked him.

He looked at her, her dark eyes begging him to open up to her.

‘Last year I found out I wasn’t who I always believed I was,’ he confessed,’ and my family wasn’t really my family. I don’t belong here, but it’s all I’ve ever known, I was the rightful king, that throne would have been mine without question.’

She walked closer to him.

‘But now it’s not?’ she asked carefully.  
‘Now…I don’t think it ever was,’ he said, she could see the pain in his eyes.

‘Why do you need the throne to be happy Loki?’ she asked him bluntly.  
‘It’s all I have left, what else is my purpose?’  
‘Who says you need a purpose?’  
He shook his head in disbelief.

‘You’re not Asgardian, you don’t understand,’ he then said, she had no answer to that and looked away from him.

‘Tell me more,’ she asked.

‘I started a war,’ he continued,’ a war that wasn’t mine to start, I wanted to prove to my father that I was still the rightful king, that I was a leader and a warrior and that I deserved to be on that throne.’  
Mia looked at him, this was prince Loki talking and she could see the passion on his face, his longing for that power.

‘My father did not agree,’ he continued,’ he chose my brother over me, a peaceful but weak man who has no interest in being king but he is blood, and I’m not.’  
He stood right in front of her now.

‘More,’ she said, following her instinct that told her there was a lot more he hadn’t told her yet.  
He nodded his head.

‘After what I did I lost all claim to ever rule Asgard, the only reason I am still allowed to be here is my family’s guilt and the fact that they can use me in battle.’  
‘I’m sorry,’ Mia said.

‘Sorry?!’ he said shocked,’ no, do not feel sorry for me! I’m a murderer, do you understand?’

His voice was angry but also drowned in sadness and that was the only thing Mia could see.   
There was no hate or anger in his eyes, only sadness, pain and disappointment and her heart broke for him.   
She could feel no fear for him now, only compassion and…love.

‘I’ve killed…many,’ he said softly, afraid to say more,’ I see it in my father’s eyes when he looks at me now, I’m a monster.’  
She could see the tears in his eyes.

‘Is there more?’ she asked.  
‘No,’ he lied.

She stood right in front of him and looked up into his eyes.

‘I don’t see a monster,’ she then said, her voice soft and full of affection,’ all I see is the man that saved my life, more than once, that protected me and kept me safe and took care of me.’

She put her hand on his cheek and brushed away his tears, he leaned against her hand and closed his eyes.  
‘A monster would not shed a tear,’ she then said.

‘You have no idea what I did,’ he whispered.  
‘I don’t care,’ she realised to her own surprise that she meant every word of it. 

She didn’t care if he was a murderer, all she could feel was her heart breaking for him,’ I know what you did for me, that is all I need to know.’

His eyes found hers and she leaned in and kissed his lips very softly, feeling her heart melt when he kissed her back and pulled her into his arms. 

‘Never leave me,’ he whispered into her ear as he held her close.  
‘I won’t,’ she smiled and she hugged him and buried her head against his chest.

It was a promise she intended to keep.


	12. Chapter 12

That night wasn’t filled with passion, it was a night for comfort and more than anything she wanted to just hold him and be held by him and his actions showed he felt the same.

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, her head resting on his chest and her arms around his waist, there were no nightmares that night. 

Loki didn’t find sleep that easily however, he laid awake for several hours, looking at her as she slept, letting his hand slowly run across her face and over her long blonde hair while he placed soft kisses on her forehead.  
It scared him, more than anything, how much he cared for her already and what he wouldn’t give to keep her by his side. 

He pulled her closer and heard her let out a deep sigh in her sleep as she pulled him close, after a few more minutes he dozed off too.

When he woke up several hours later the bed was empty.

He rushed out of bed and let out a sigh of relief when he found her on the balcony.   
Her long white dress and blonde hair looked beautiful under the moonlight but the look on her face was one of worry.  
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you,’ she said.

‘Is everything alright?’ he walked up to her and put his arm around her waist while he stood behind her and pulled her against his chest.  
She closed her eyes and leaned into him, his touch helped her calm down and she smiled.  
‘I’m fine, I just…I have this weird feeling like I’m forgetting something, like…my memory is damaged, more than it was before.’

She turned around to face him and saw the worried look on his face.  
‘What’s wrong with me, Loki?’ she asked, her eyes searching his.  
‘Nothing is wrong with you, my love,’ he said, putting a smile back on her face as he called her that.

He took her hands in his and sat her down on one of the chairs, after which he went back into the living room. He came back holding her diary and a few other books in his hands.

‘Where did you find that?’ she asked.  
‘You do remember what this is, yes?’  
‘Yes, but nothing I drew in there looks familiar at all.’  
‘It does to me,’ he then said softly and he sat down beside her.

‘You know where this is?’ she said shocked.  
He nodded his head.  
‘Tell me!’ she begged him.

‘This is Midgard,’ he said,’ or Earth as you would call it, and this right here…’  
He showed her the drawing of the statue, she couldn’t remember having seen it before.  
‘I believe,’ he hesitated,’ this city might be your home.’

He handed her the other books.  
‘Everything we know about Midgard is in here,’ he then said as he got up,’ take your time.’

It was daylight when she had finally finished reading but she felt conflicted. It was a relief to finally know where she came from but the fact that she couldn’t remember any of it made her feel like she wasn’t one step closer to what she needed to know, on the contrary she felt as if she was drifting further and further away from it.

She let out a frustrated sigh, got up and walked back inside to find Loki sitting on the side of the bed.

‘I’m okay,’ she said when he looked up at her,’ thank you for telling me all of this.’  
She stood in front of him and put her arms around him while he rested his head against her stomach and grabbed her waist.

‘You still don’t remember?’ he asked.  
She shook her head,’ I don’t want to think about it anymore’

‘How about…I take you outside to the gardens today?’ he suggested, causing a surprised smile on her face.

‘I would love that.’

***

A little while later they were walking through the palace gardens together, Mia was wearing a new light green dress Loki gave to her and she followed him into a small field between the gorgeous huge flowers. It was an empty grass field until Loki waved his hand and a beautiful golden blanket appeared filled with colourful pillows and a few trays filled with bread and fruit and wine.

She shook her head in a smile and looked at him to find a little smile on his face.

‘There’s so much more I have to learn about you’ she said softly, ‘This is beautiful Loki, thank you.’

He took her hand and sat her down on the blanket next to him.  
She looked up to feel the sun on her face and inhaled the smell of the grass surrounding them, she closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh.

When she opened them Loki was looking at her with a serious expression on his face, seeing her look back at him made him look away with a little smile.

‘Did you mean what you said last night,’ she asked him,’ that you want me to stay here, with you?’

He stayed quiet for a moment, this was not a conversation he had ever had before. As long as he could remember women had always been around, for pleasure or just for company, well…mostly for pleasure.

He had never wanted any of them around all the time, he had never been this captivated by someone like he was by her and he had never wanted anyone the way he wanted her, all of her, inside and out.

‘Yes,’ he looked into her eyes,’ I would like that very much.’  
She couldn’t hide the smile on her face.  
‘If you want to,’ he quickly added.

She crawled over to him and lifted her dress while she straddled him and sat down on his lap.  
Loki placed his hands on her waist and looked at her face, inches away from his now.

Her eyes were watery in the sun, he let his fingers run over her pale skin covered in little freckles. He could spend the entire day kissing every freckle on her body over and over again. His finger rested on her pink lips and she smiled and put a kiss on it.

‘I want to,’ she then said softly and she took his hand away and leaned in to kiss his lips.  
His kiss was more passionate than before, desperate almost and his hand was in her neck holding her head against his while their lips and tongues emerged.

It was in that moment that she made her decision, it didn’t matter where she came from, this is where she would stay, this is all she could ever want.  
It wasn’t a rational decision and while she was fully aware of that she also realised this was what she wanted, the only thing she wanted right now.

This would be her home now, he would be her home.

His arms pulled her closer and pushed her down on his lap, she could feel his erection pushing between her legs through the leather and let out a small moan when he kissed and licked her neck.

His breath was heavy and his hips were grinding up against her, making her wish away this long dress and his leather suit. She wanted to feel him on her, skin on skin.

‘Take it off,’ she whispered into his ear, licked his neck and bit his earlobe. Shivers went through her when she felt her clothes disappear from her body and they were both naked in an instant.

‘That’s my favorite trick,’ he growled with a little smile as his hands ran along her bare back and rested on her ass.

When he pushed his hips now she could feel him in all the right places and couldn’t hide her desire for him any longer.

‘Loki,’ she bucked her hips against him causing friction against her clit as he moved up and down her center, sending her to the edge quickly.

‘Slower,’ she begged.  
He pulled his hips back and focussed his attention on her breasts, slowly kissing and licking them while his hands were still firmly on her ass, holding her in place.

Her breath was out of control now making it hard for him to focus when all he could think of was making her come undone.

She pulled his hair and bucked her hips.

‘Please,’ she begged him.  
It was all he needed and he pushed into her with one big thrust causing them both to moan loudly.

Her body was moving faster and faster and he could see the pleasure he was giving her on her face, she was biting her lip and clinging to his shoulders.

Loki pulled her close and put her down on the blanket, putting himself on top of her.  
His thrusts were fast and hard, hitting her deeper with every move as he kept pushing in and out of her, hitting her most sensitive spot every time he did.  
He could feel his own orgasm close and he held her against him tight while he looked into her eyes.

‘Look…at me,’ he moaned,’ look at me.’  
She pulled herself up around his neck, he bucked into her fast, her eyes holding onto his as her orgasm took over and she bit back her scream.

Loki came as soon as she did, his eyes locked with hers as his mouth fell open in one long deep moan. Mia held him close to her, she kissed his neck and shoulders while he allowed her to ride out her orgasm.

‘I love you so much, Loki,’ she whispered in between kisses, she stopped as soon as she realised what she had said,’ oh god I’m sorry! Please forget I said that! I didn’t mean to!’

He took her face in his hands and stared into her eyes making her fall silent, his skin was so pale in the sunlight and his eyes were teary.

‘I love you,’ he pulled her into his arms and held her, their naked bodies pushing against each other.   
She let out a sigh of relief.

‘I love you,’ he said again in a soft whisper.


	13. Chapter 13

He watched her as she ran in front of him, her green dress and long blonde hair blowing in the wind and the sunlight on her smiling face as she reached her hand to him and pulled him along with her through the field.

She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and he still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that she was really his now, not just because she was his prisoner anymore but because she wanted to be here, with him.

As he looked at her walking in front of him that day thoughts of sitting on the throne or ruling the realm were far from his mind and he realised she had been right.

How had he cared so much about the power and some bigger purpose when this was the only purpose that mattered…to love, this is what made life worth living.

Mia noticed the smile on his face and pulled him into her arms.

‘What are you thinking about, my sweet prince?’ she asked.  
He laughed at the mischievous look in her eyes when she named him that.   
She looked more carefree and happier than he had ever seen her.

‘I’m not a prince,’ he said softly,’ I’m just a man.’  
‘You are anything but just a man,’ her face had turned serious.

He pulled her against his chest and put a soft kiss on her lips, she quickly deepened the kiss and leaned into him.   
‘I was thinking…how happy you make me,’ he then said softly.

Mia felt her heart melt at his words, this man was so different from the man that saved her from a certain death several weeks ago.

She was convinced there was still a world of secrets she had yet to learn about him and she had only scratched the surface, but she felt like he had finally let her in.

‘How I’m changing,’ Loki continued,’ you changed me…and I don’t care where you come from or how you got here. I truly believe you were sent to me as a gift from the gods.’

Mia smiled at his dramatic words.  
‘If you are not a prince then I am definitely not a gift from the gods,’ she said.

He smiled as he took both her hands and pulled her along with him.  
‘Come on,’ he urged her with a smile.

‘Where are we going?’  
‘I will take you outside again tomorrow,’ he promised,’ but tonight I’m taking you back to my room, and to my bed.’

His voice had dropped and he put his arms around her shoulders and walked behind her, bringing his mouth to her ear as she leaned into him and they started walking slower.

‘Tonight I’m going to fill my room with your delicious moans until you can’t take no more and you beg me to stop,’ he growled into her ear.

‘Your royal highness!’ she said, pretending to be shocked,’ those are definitely not the words of a prince.’

She laughed but she bit her lip at the rush of heat his words had sent right through her centre.

***

They entered Loki’s room laughing, Mia pulled at his leather coat while his hands found their way under her dress and he pushed her up against the wall, staring into her eyes.

‘You are so beautiful,’ he whispered and he put his lips on her neck,’ I’m going to make this a night you’ll never forget.’  
‘Every night with you is,’ she said softly and she kissed him.

 

They both jumped up from the kiss when they heard loud noises in the hallway.  
Loki let go of her in an instant as he ran to the door and opened it.

‘Stay here,’ he ordered her as he lifted his hand.

She leaned against the wall and let out a deep sigh, whatever was going on, she was sure if was yet another urgent matter that needed his attention and she already knew she was in for another night alone, after today and tonight that was the last thing she wanted.

To her surprise he came running back into the room and took her hand.  
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.   
The look on his face was one of worry and it made her nervous.

‘Someone’s attacking us,’ he said,’ you can’t stay here.’

He pulled her with him outside of the room.  
‘Where are you taking me?’ she had never seen him like this before and she was starting to feel really worried now,’ Loki?’

His hand was on the wall when she saw a door appearing out of nowhere.  
‘A secret room?’ she asked surprised.  
‘You’ll be safe in here,’ he said soft and he walked into the room in front of her.

It was a huge room with a few lighted torches and it seemed to go on forever.  
‘It’s a secret passage under the palace,’ Loki explained,’ just stay here, I’m sure it’s nothing and it will be over quickly.’

They both turned quiet when they heard an explosion and the walls started to shake for a few moments. Loki grabbed her shoulders and saw the panic in her eyes.  
‘That doesn’t sound like nothing!’ she clung to his chest.

‘I have to go out there and see what’s going on,’ Loki insisted and he moved away from her but she grabbed his hands and stopped him.

‘Don’t leave me here,’ she pleaded.  
‘It’s okay,’ he tried to reassure her.

‘You don’t know that, stay here with me, please,’ she begged softly.  
‘They might need me out there,’ he said,’ I can’t…’

He was torn between wanting to stay with her and making sure she’s safe and knowing that they needed him out there if this was a real attack.  
As another explosion hit he covered her body with his as he pushed her against the wall to protect her.

‘I need you here,’ she said softly as she held onto him. 

She could see the doubt on his face now and she leaned in to kiss him, using whatever she could to keep him with her.

Loki leaned into the kiss and held her tight when all of a sudden she put her hands to her forehead and her face was twitched in a painful expression.

‘What’s that?’ she asked.  
‘What’s what?’ Loki asked surprised.

‘That noise,’ she said, her voice sounded confused, scared almost’ aaaaahhh!!!’

She sank down against the wall and hid her head in her hands, moaning in pain. Loki couldn’t hear anything besides the noises in the hallway and the explosions in the distance. He was on his knees beside her in an instant, trying to take her hands but she wouldn’t let him.

‘What’s wrong, Astrid?’ he asked worried.

She tried to block it out but it was impossible, it burned into her brain and it hurt like hell. It sounded like steel on steel and she could feel her head bursting. It felt like it was coming from inside her, like something in her head was fighting its way out.

‘Aaaaaahhhh!’ she was screaming in pain now hiding her face into her hands.  
And then as soon as it started it was gone again.

Loki looked at her and felt his heart race, something was wrong, she stared out in front of her, her eyes seemed dead, like her body was still here but there was nothing left inside anymore. 

He felt a rush of panic run through his veins as her eyes found his.

‘Where is it?’ she hissed. 

Loki didn’t move, her voice gave him more chills, it didn’t sound like her anymore, her face was twisted into an expression he couldn’t quite place.

Before he could even grasp what was going on she leached out and snatched his knife from his pants as she pushed him down on the floor while she straddled him and brought the knife to his throat.

‘Where is the staff, Loki?’ she repeated. 

The way she said his name sent shivers through every pore of his body. There was no affection in there at all, all he could hear was anger and hate.

‘Astrid?’ he asked confused.

‘My name is Mia!’ she yelled.  
Her knife was pushing against his throat, he was too shocked to move.

‘Where is it?’ she repeated and she brought her face closer to his,’ I WILL kill you.’

Her voice and eyes were so cold he didn’t doubt those words for a minute and he felt her pushing the knife into his skin, he could feel blood dripping on his neck and realised he could no longer do nothing so he grabbed her hand and stared deep into her eyes.

‘Get off me,’ he said slowly.

For the first time he felt a slight hesitation in her movement.

‘Loki…?’ she asked, her voice was softer again and her eyes looked confused.  
‘Astrid?’ he asked softly,’ what is going on? What’s happening to you?’

‘I don’t know,’ she grabbed her head and let out another scream of pain, her knife was on the floor,’ it hurts! Make it stop…oh God please make it stop Loki!’

He put his arms around her and held her close as he stroked her back, trying to soothe her, he felt completely helpless.

She leaned against him as she was breathing in panic, her head was shaking against his chest.

‘It’s okay,’ he whispered, unable to decide what to do and feeling the panic in his own voice, all he could do was hold her close and try to calm her down.

She lifted her head to look at him, he could see tears on her face from her pain and it broke his heart.  
‘Help me,’ she whispered and before he could answer she collapsed into his arms.

‘Astrid?’ he held her against his chest and brushed her hair and face, trying to bring her back,’ Astrid…please…open your eyes, love.’

He started shaking her but she wasn’t moving anymore, for the first time since he had laid eyes on her he was unable to save her.

He had forgotten all about the explosions, the attack, or whatever was going on out there. The only thing that mattered was her, he felt her slipping away from him and he couldn’t do a thing to stop it. 

‘No!’ he said, softly and then more angry,’ Nooooo!’

He hadn’t noticed the smoke in the alley, or the men in black uniforms that came bursting in.   
He only felt the smoke in his eyes and how it was suddenly hard to breathe, than everything turned dark and he felt her leaving his arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments guys! This chapter will hopefully bring a bit of clarity about Mia's situation.

She opened one eye and then carefully another, it was too bright, there was so much white everywhere…like the cell in the palace dungeons, why was she back in her cell?! 

She panicked and tried to get up but something, someone, was holding her down.

 ‘Careful,’ she heard a male voice next to her,’ take it easy…you’re safe’  

She lifted her head and finally saw the room in full, she let out a sigh of relief when she realised she wasn’t back in the cell.  She was lying in a warm bed and the walls were a very light shade of yellow, there was a small line of sun shining through the curtains and it was quiet, as she turned her head she saw a man sitting beside her, it was an older black man with a black eye patch and he looked down at her with a worried look on his face.  

‘Don’t try to sit up’ he said as he saw her struggle,’ take it easy, you’ve been out for a while’  

She laid back into the pillow and closed her eyes again.

 ‘What’s your name?’ he asked.   
‘Mia,’ she said softly, her voice sounded hoarse,’ my name is Mia’

  ‘Do you know who I am?’ the man asked.   
‘You’re Fury’ she said without hesitation, putting a smile on his face.   
‘Good,’ he said,’ your memory is not completely gone, do you know where you were for the past 7 weeks?’

  She closed her eyes, it was all there, the forest, the cell, the guards trying to abuse her, the luxury rooms with the high ceilings, the balcony, the golden palace, the delicious food, Cara, the gardens…and Loki…his eyes, his hands, his lips, his kisses, his voice and the way he made her completely weak under his touch as he made her come undone. 

She closed her eyes trying to block that last image from her mind.  
  ‘Yes,’ she then said,’ I remember everything’

‘Good,’ he repeated, waiting a few moments to ask his next question,’ do you remember anything before that?’

She tried to get the images clear in her head but there was not a lot there, she could see different flashes and images but she was unable to put them together and she also couldn’t decide what was real or not.  
 She sighed in frustration.  
  'I'm…not sure’ she admitted. 

‘It’s okay,’ he reassured her,’ it’s normal, it takes a few days before things fall into place…you’ll be fine’ 

He got up and walked towards the door of the room.

  ‘Take your time to rest’ he said.  
 ‘That’s it?’ she asked shocked,’ that’s all you’re gonna tell me?’

  He looked into her eyes, his expression strict and evasive, making it clear she shouldn’t ask again,’ for now yes’

All she could do was watch him leave the room, after a few more frustrated sighs she realised there was nothing she could do, her body still felt weak and her mind blurry, she lay awake for a little while before drifting off to sleep again.

  ***

It was a couple of days later, when they finally allowed her to get out of bed and leave her room for a while, that she was sitting in Fury’s office waiting for him.

  Her hair was pulled up into a loose bun and she was wearing a white shirt and a black jeans, her nails were scratching at the tight pants that made her legs itch, she missed the long wide dress and how her body was able to breath in those clothes.   
These ones felt restricted, like they were suffocating her.

  She jumped up when Fury stepped in, his face was all business as it always was, there was no way to read this man. 

‘Agent Wilson’ he nodded as he took a seat in front of her behind his desk.   
‘Mia please,’ she sighed,’ agent just sounds...crazy’  

‘So still memory problems?’ he asked.   
‘Problems?’ she could feel the anger building up in her voice,’ what the hell have you done to me?’

 ‘Listen Mia’ he started as he raised his hands.  
 ‘No!’ she said firmly,’ no more excuses or changing the subject, no more sending in nurses so you don’t have to talk to me, I want answers! What did they do to me? How did I get there? What did they want me to do? And why is my memory like an episode of Lost?!’  

He raised his hands again and let out a deep sigh.

 ‘Let me start at the beginning’ he then said.  
 ‘Please’ she whispered as she tried to control her breathing and calm herself down.

  ‘You were sent to Asgard through the Bifrost 7 weeks ago,’ he started,’ you were injected with a serum that temporarily took away your memory’   
‘Temporarily?!’ she interrupted him. 

‘There…might be some glitches…please let me continue,’ Fury said,’ you were sent there on a mission, the serum was part of the mission, together with the small chip we had implanted in your brain that was activated’

 ‘You put something in my brain?!’ she interrupted him in anger.  
 ‘Please Mia,’ he tried to reassure her,’it was taken out as soon as you were back on earth, it was all part of the mission’

 ‘What was the mission?’ she asked, biting her lip to try and stay calm.

  ‘Loki,’ he said, making her shiver at the sound of his name,’ Loki was your mission’

 ‘I don’t understand…,’ she said softly,’ if I’m an agent why take away my memory? Why not just give me my mission?’

 ‘Because you had to be believable’ he explained.  

She sighed in frustration, the more he talked the more confused she was getting.

  ‘I don’t get it, why would I do that? Risk my life and the permanent loss of my memory?’ she said confused.  

Fury stayed quiet.  
 ‘I don’t believe you,’ she then said,’ I would never…I would never risk that!’ 

Her hands grasped the edge of her seat in anger and she had to push herself to stay seated and not storm out of the room. 

‘What did you do to me?!’ she asked again, raising her voice at him.  

‘Your reaction was to be expected,’ he said as he pushed a tablet computer in front of her and opened a file.  

Mia was looking at herself on the screen, her hair was a bit shorter and she looked straight into the camera, her expression determined and serious.  She was signing papers and holding them up in front of the camera while she spoke:’If I’m seeing this it means my memory might be playing tricks on me, and knowing myself I will protest.’   
She stared into the camera now and continued:’ I swear nobody is forcing me to do this, I volunteered for this mission, I want to do this…and I know the risks involved, they are worth it, it has to be done, he has to be stopped’  

Fury showed her the papers, there was no denying it was her autograph.  
 ‘Turn it off’ Mia said softly. 

  Fury obliged and took the tablet away from her. 

She leaned back into the chair and let out a deep sigh.

  ‘I know this is a lot to process’ Fury said.    
‘What was my mission…exactly?’ she asked and she stared at him, she would not let go of his eyes until he gave her a clear answer, something that made at least a little bit of sense to her, she needed something in all of this to make sense.  

‘In your own words…to destroy him’ Fury explained making her shake her head in disbelief.  

‘A couple of other agents had tried before,’ he continued,’ but he’s very tricky and very powerful, none of them succeeded but you…had a very different approach’  
  ‘How?’ she asked.

  ‘You could see past what we saw, you saw what he really wanted, what he really needed,’ Nick said,’ and it was not power, what he desired above anything else was acceptance and love, it was the one thing we hadn’t tried before and the one thing we could use against him.’ 

Her stomach turned at his words.  

‘He needed someone to accept him for what he is, someone that would love him unconditionally,’ he continued,’ so we sent him someone’  
 ‘Me,' she whispered, her eyes were staring down at the ground now,’ why?’  

‘We needed you to get close to him,’ he said,’ gain his trust, distract him, get his head out of the game while other agents could snoop around without him noticing, find out what he was planning, and if possible we needed you to find his staff’  

The staff, this was all about his stupid staff?

 ‘You did an excellent job on that one Mia’ he said.  

‘But I don’t remember…why’, she said softly, shaking her head in confusion,’ why I would…I know he’s a bad guy and a murderer but what has he done to make me hate him so much?’   
She couldn’t forget the look she saw on her own face in that video, how her eyes squinted and her lips twisted when she said ‘he has to be stopped’

She could see the initial shock on Fury’s face.

 ‘What?’ she asked.   
‘You don’t remember?’ he asked carefully. 

‘Remember what?’ she raised her voice in frustration, there were so many questions and not enough answers coming her way.

‘It’s not…’, he sighed,’ he’s a murderer, mass murderer Mia, that is all you need to know’

She sighed in frustration, she would not get the answers she wanted from him, that much was clear.  

‘I think you should go back to resting now’ he stood up from his desk and showed her to the door, again she felt like he couldn’t wait to get away from her and she knew it was because he was avoiding further questions. 

She went back to her room and sat down on her bed as she closed her eyes.   She could hear Loki’s voice clearly in her head: ‘you don’t know what I did, what I am… no, do not feel sorry for me! I’m a murderer, do you understand?...I’m a monster’

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes and she laid down and closed her eyes, trying to push them away.  

***

‘And?’ he asked.

 ‘Sit down Clint,’ Fury said as he leaned against the wall.

 ‘I’m fine right here,’ Clint said as he crossed his arms, his grey eyes stared Fury down and the expression on his face was serious and a little angry,’ how is she?’

‘She’s fine,’ Fury said, a little too quickly,’ her memory will be fine too, it’s just going to take some more time, it will come back’

‘You said a couple of days, it’s been over a week now!’ Clint said frustrated.

 ‘It’s not an exact science,’ Fury said,’ okay, well…technically…that is exactly what it is, but…’ 

Clint rolled his eyes.

 ‘I mean,’ Fury continued,’ she’s the first person we’ve tested this on, there’s no way of knowing what the precise effects will be and when it will wear off’

 ‘When or if?’ Clint asked.

  ‘Look, she knew what she was in for,’ he said,’ she signed up for this Clint, it was her mission, her plan, her idea, right from the start’ 

‘I should have never let her do it’ he said with a heavy sigh,’ can I at least take her home now?’

 ‘That’s your call,’ Fury said,’ I’d prefer to keep her here a little bit longer’

Clint nodded his head but he had already made his mind up, he was taking her home tonight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter for now guys, I want to thank you all for the comments and kudos on this one, this is not a definite ending!  
> I wrote this whole story months ago and I always planned on writing the sequel, and I will one day but I can not promise it will be soon as I'm so busy writing other stories at the moment, so please be patient with me until I find the inspiration to finish this one.
> 
> Some more questions will be answered in this chapter but for now this story is going on hiatus.

She woke up when someone carefully touched her hand, it took her a few seconds to realize where she was again, every time she closed her eyes she was back on Asgard. 

‘Mia?’ he asked softly. 

She looked up into a pair of soft and friendly grey eyes, he was still holding her hand and his face looked worried. 

‘Hey’ he spoke softly.  
 ‘Hi’ she said quietly. 

He looked at her for a few seconds and then he broke eye contact and let go of her hand.  

‘You don’t know who I am, do you?’ he sighed.   
‘I’m sorry,’ she shook her head,’ should I?’

 He gave her a little smile.  
 ‘We work together,’ he then said,’ I’m Clint, Clint Barton’  

He studied her face while he said his name, as if hearing it would make her remember.  
 ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again,’ I don’t remember you’

 ‘It’s okay,’ he said softly,’ do you want to go home?’

  ***  

Home

She knew it was her home as soon as she walked into the apartment, this was her small white kitchen with the big orange fridge and the counter where she always ate breakfast, the comfortable couch and the big book shelf and the candles on the table. 

She recognized every little corner, this was her apartment, she knew that but still it didn’t feel like home. 

As she sat on the couch she tried to feel at ease here but she couldn’t.   Clint came out of the kitchen and handed her a cup of tea as he sat down next to her. 

‘Are you hungry?’ he asked,’ I can make you something’   
‘No thank you, I’m fine,’ she said as she gave him a thankful smile,’ you seem to know your way around my apartment pretty well’

‘Yeah well, we…um…we’re not just colleagues, we’re also pretty good friends’ he said. 

She shook her head with a little sigh.    
‘I should remember you’, she said,’ why do I remember Fury and not you?’

 ‘Don’t feel bad,’ he tried to reassure her,’ I know it’s nothing personal, it will come back to you’   
‘Will it?’ she asked worried.

 ‘Let’s just wait a few more days before we panic okay?’ he said. 

His eyes were soft, calm and reassuring, she could tell that he cared for her and it made her feel a little bit better.  
  ‘Thank you’ she said. 

‘Do you want me to stay here tonight?’ he asked,’ I can sleep on the couch’   
‘No please, you’ve done more than enough for me already’ she said.  

After saying goodbye to him she went to her bedroom and sank down on the bed as she closed her eyes.  She was finally back, this was her life, what she’d been searching for all that time, she found it, everything would be okay again now, right? 

Then why did it all feel so insignificant? She had her life back and now she didn’t want it anymore? What was wrong with her?  

But she knew what was wrong and why this didn’t feel like her life anymore, and it had nothing to do with her memory, it was him.  She had been ready to leave this all behind and start a new life, with Loki, she was still ready… 

She let herself fall down on the bed and crawled under the covers, all she wanted to do was sleep, sleep and forget…or remember.  

***

  ‘Mia!’

  ‘Miiiaaaa!’  

She could hear giggling and saw the little girl come running towards her as she grabbed her hand and dragged Mia along, both smiling.

 ‘Not so fast’ Mia urged her as the ran down the stairs to the underground, along with hundreds of other people who were going about their daily routine and hundreds of other tourists visiting the city.  

‘Come on!’ the girl shouted, her voice filled with excitement,’ I want to see lady Liberty’ 

‘We have all week Carrie ‘ Mia smiled.  

‘You promised we could go see her today’ the girl insisted, pouting her lip as she looked up at Mia. 

‘I did, didn’t I?’ Mia smiled and she took the girl by the hand as they arrived at the bottom of the steps, they went through the security doors and into the hallway when the blast hit them, the walls were shaking, there was smoke and dust, and panic and chaos, and Mia desperately tried not to lose grip of Carrie ’s hand, but she was hit by something and she seemed to be stuck on the floor. 

Carrie tried to pull her up but it was useless. She decided right then and there that the girl would be safer if she kept going.

  ‘Go on!’ Mia shouted,’ go on without me!’  
 ‘Nooo!’ the girl cried.

 ‘You have to! Go!’ Mia cried, the fire was surrounding them now as people were fleeing the scene,’ run, as far away from here as you can, I will meet you above ground, gooooo Carrie now!’ 

She tried to make her voice sound angry, knowing it was the only way she would get the girl to listen and it worked. 

Carrie got up and started walking into the group of people, hesitantly at first but then she slowly started to run, Mia watched her until she was out of sight and lied back on the floor, the smoke was making it hard to breathe now and the heat of the fire was starting to burn her skin, she knew she was going to die right there…  

 

She jumped up in the bed, gasping for air, she was sweating and panting heavily as she grasped her chest. It was always this point, the dream always stopped here and it always felt like she was right there.   
She hid her head in her hands as she tried to stop the tears.  

***

  Clint knocked on her door and looked shocked when he saw her face. Her eyes were red and still teary and her hands were shaking. 

‘Thank you for coming’ she said, her voice was trembling and Clint stepped inside and closed the door behind him.   
‘Of course,’ he said,’ I’m glad you called me…what happened Mia?’  

'It’s the dream,’ she sighed,’ it’s always the same damn dream, I’ve had them on Asgard but since I’m back here they are becoming clearer, showing me more and…it just feels so real’ 

Clint put his hands on her shoulders before pulling her into a hug, she put her arms around him and closed her eyes.  She still didn’t remember him but she knew she felt safe with him, and she also knew she could trust him.  

She broke the hug and looked at him.

 ‘Who’s Carrie?’ she asked, the expression on his face changed instantly as she said her name, he let go of her and broke eye contact.

‘You know who she is, don’t you?’ she asked.  Clint nodded his head.  
 ‘Please, you have to tell me,’ she begged,’please Clint’

 ‘Alright,’ he sighed as he took her hand to calm her down,’ alright…I’ll tell you everything I know’

She sat down on the couch a few minutes later when Clint took a seat next to her, handing her a picture he had just picked out of the closet in the living room. 

‘It used to be in a frame on your coffee table,’ he said as he handed it to her,’ but you found it too hard to look at it every day’  

She looked at the picture and saw herself together with the little girl from her dreams, they were both smiling into the camera as the sun embraced their faces. 

‘This is her’ Mia said softly.  
 ‘You don’t remember her at all?’ Clint asked.  

‘No’ she said, tears welling up in her eyes, she didn’t know who this girl was but just as she felt that she could trust Clint, she felt something when looking at this picture and she couldn’t stop her tears,’ who is she?’  

Clint took a deep sigh before he spoke,’ she’s your sister Mia…I mean, she…was your sister’ 

She was crying now.  
  ‘She’s dead, isn’t she?’ she whispered.

 ‘I’m so so sorry Mia,’ Clint said softly as he took her hand into his and she could see tears in his eyes too,’ I’m so sorry you have to hear it like this’ 

‘No I asked you to, I needed to know,’ she said as she squeezed his hand and wiped away her tears.  

‘What happened?’ she asked then.   
‘She came to visit you in New York that week,’ Clint continued, he didn’t want to make her more upset but he realized she needed the truth more than anything else right now,’you two weren’t that close because she lived so far away but you lived for those moments that you two were together, you showed her all of the city in those first days and then…’ 

Mia looked at him in silence.  
 ‘Then the attack happened’ Clint said. 

‘What attack?’ she asked shocked.   He hesitated again, maybe telling her everything at once would be too much for her to take in, she looked so fragile and she was still recovering.

 ‘Please,’ she insisted,’ don’t hold anything back, I can take it, tell me’

‘Okay,’ he said as he moved closer to her, resting his hands on her leg,’ if you want me to stop talking just grab hold of my hands okay’ 

She nodded her head as she kept her eyes locked with his.  

‘You were taking her to see the statue of Liberty that day,’ Clint spoke,’ you were on your way to the underground when New York was attacked, the panic and chaos was unlike anything we had ever seen since…9/11, nobody knew what was going on, all we knew is that it wasn’t from our earth, which only made the panic worse’  
Mia’s breath got stuck in her throat.

 ‘He was leading everything Mia,’ Clint said,’ Loki had planned it all, he wanted to destroy everything, our city, our world, our people…’ 

Mia shook her head in disbelief. 

‘He killed over 8OO people in 2 days,’ Clint continued,’ including Carrie and almost you’

‘Stop!’ she yelled as he grabbed his hand. 

He didn’t say another word and just held her hands.

‘No more’ she whispered in tears,’ no more’

  ***

   Loki walked the bridge to the Bifrost in a hurry, his face was twisted in an angry and somewhat desperate expression. 

The attack had looked worse than it actually was, the palace recovered quickly and in a few days people seemed to have forgotten all about it, there were no severe casualties and the only things missing were Loki’s staff…and Astrid.

  ‘Heimdall!’ Loki shouted as he reached the end of the bridge.  

Heimdall walked up to him and greeted him with a polite smile.   
‘You are a long way from home’ he stated.  

‘Not far enough’ Loki sighed as he stepped closer to him and looked into his eyes,’ I need to get to earth’

 ‘I am sorry Loki,’ he said,’ your father has ordered me not to let anyone pass through’

 ‘I’m the goddamn prince of Asgard!’ Loki said impatiently.

  ‘Not even you,’ Heimdall stated,’ actually…especially not you…I am sorry but I can not help you’

 ‘This is bullshit!’Loki turned his back to him and walked back the way he came from.  

If not through the Bifrost then he would find another way, if his father thought that this would stop him he was very much mistaken, he was not going to stop until he found her.   
They took the one thing away from him that was truly his and he was going to get it back.  

He rushed into his quarters shocked to find Odin standing in his living room. 

‘Father?’ he said surprised.   
‘We need to talk Loki’ he said, his voice strict and his eyes distant.

 ‘I am going to get her back’ Loki said without hesitation.  
 ‘You will do no such thing’ Odin insisted.

 ‘She’s mine!’ he raised his voice.    
‘She is NOT yours, she is a mortal!’ Odin shouted, raising his voice just a little bit higher than Loki did,’ and she is back where she belongs now, you will leave it as it is!’  

Loki stayed quiet and felt his anger make room for something else.

 ‘I can’t father…’ he said softly, tears welling up in his eyes,’ she belongs with me’

  ‘You have no choice,’ Odin said,’ I can not let you go back to earth after what happened last time…I promised to keep you here and keep an eye on you, it was the only reason they let you come back to Asgard, I made a deal, you are never to go back there’  

‘I did not make that deal!’ Loki said, trying to control his emotions,’ all I want is to bring her back home with me, that is all’

 ‘It is not that simple son,’ he said,’ if you go back there they will capture you, they will try to kill you…and we will not be able to protect you anymore’  

Loki stared into his eyes.

 ‘I never needed your protection father’ he then said cold, stepping closer to Odin slowly,’ I am going back to earth, you either let me go through the Bifrost or I WILL find another way’

 ‘Son!’ Odin insisted.  
‘Oh NOW I am your son?! Now that you need me to obey your orders?’ Loki said in anger. 

‘Please listen…’

 ‘Enough!’ Loki yelled and as he lifted his hand Odin was pushed back onto the balcony and landed on his back on the floor.

 ‘Please, you don’t know what you are doing’ he said in a weak voice, pleading with everything he had left.

 ‘I know exactly what I am doing,’ Loki said as he looked down on him,’ do not get in my way!’

 ***

  Mia was sitting on the small balcony of her apartment, she was shivering but she didn’t care for the cold, she needed some air. 

Brushing the tears from her face she let out a deep sigh, trying to control her breathing.  Her memory was still not restored and for the first time she was actually thankful for that.   
She didn’t want to remember…

New York, the attack, Carrie… tears welled up again at the thought of her little sister.  

The door to the balcony opened and Clint stepped outside. 

‘Do you want to be alone for a bit longer?’ he asked softly.  She shook her head.  

‘No, please sit with me’ she sobbed. 

He took a seat next to her and pulled his chair closer so he could put his hands on her knees as he looked into her eyes. 

Are you alright?’ he asked worried. 

She nodded her head and put her arms around his neck, he pulled her against his chest and held her tight as he stroked her back softly. 

‘I’m here of you need me,’ he spoke softly,’ if there is anything I can do just tell me Mia, anything’

 ‘I’m okay’ she said, rubbing away her tears and allowing herself to stare back at him, at those soft caring grey eyes when she covered her mouth with her hand in shock.

 ‘Oh my god it was you!’ she said, putting a hopeful look on his face,’ you were on Asgard with me! YOU injected me in the garden!’

  ‘Yes,’ he confessed,’ I’m so sorry if I scared you back there…I was there to keep an eye on you, it was the only way I agreed to let you do the whole mission…if I could be there to protect you in case…something went wrong or you got hurt’ 

She kept staring at him and he took her hands and brought them to his chest, lacing his fingers with hers and squeezing them softly while searching her eyes for that small hint of recognition that she still couldn’t give him.

 ‘Mia…’ he whispered, his eyes closed for a moment as he took a deep breath and looked at her again,’ I am not just your partner at Shield…I am your husband’

 

      
      


	16. Chapter 16

Husband…

  Mia had repeated the word to herself hundreds of times over the past two months but it still sounded foreign in her ears. How on earth could she have a husband and not remember a single thing about him?  

Clint had been wonderful, more patient than any man would have been, he was a true sweetheart and he gave her everything she needed. Well, he tried…but he couldn’t give her what she really needed, could he?   What she really needed was far away from her in another world, and he was never allowed back on earth. 

She had been reading up on Loki’s file over the past weeks and it stated very clearly that if he ever set foot on earth again he would be captured or executed at sight and without warning.  After New York Odin and Thor had made a deal with Shield to take Loki back to Asgard and keep him there in exile to spare his life. 

He would be a fool to ever come back here, and why would he? For her? A silly mortal woman? The thought alone was ridiculous!  

He must have long forgotten all about her by now, she was nothing but a small footnote in his almost immortal storyline. How could she even believe for a second that their time together was special or meant anything to him at all?     
And yet, to her those weeks on Asgard seemed of the biggest importance and she couldn’t seem to move on from it.  

After a few weeks back on earth the nightmares started to change, she was still reliving her memories in her dreams but now they were memories of her time on Asgard, and her time with Loki.  Mia woke up feeling empty and restless every morning, the inability to put him out of her mind, even when she was trying to sleep, was slowly driving her insane.

She went back to work at Shield after two months of recovery, Fury had agreed to let her ease back into it, not sending her out on any field work yet but allowing her time to get to know Shield again and learn what it was all about.  She still remembered parts of it but as with the rest of her memories she only got back pieces of information and never the whole picture.    
A lot of her memory was still blocked, self preservation of the brain, that’s what Dr Shaw, the psychiatrist she saw twice a week, called it.  She was blocking out the things that were too painful for her to remember, trying to keep herself sane.   
 But it was having quite the opposite effect, it was slowly making her more crazy and desperate for the truth.  She just wanted to remember the life she had before and get back to it. 

She must have been happy then, how could she not be? She had a loving husband and a job that she enjoyed and was good at, she helped keep the world safe, on a daily basis, that should mean something.  

And yet here she was, willing to trade it all in for one moment with him…

***

  She walked into Fury’s office that morning, her hands nervously balled into fists when she stopped in front of his desk.  

‘Agent Wilson,’ Fury said as he rose from behind his desk and gave her a small nod.   
‘I want you to run the tests again, sir,’ she blurted out.   
‘What tests?’ 

 ‘All of them,’ she said as her eyes rested on his,’ I should have been better by now, you have to agree that this is not normal!’  
 ‘You can not rush the recovery process, agent,’ he simply stated.    
‘Rush?! It’s been almost 3 months now! I want my life back!’ she protested,’ I want my memories back, all of them! And I want HIM out of here!’   
She was pushing her finger against her forehead dramatically while her eyes stayed locked with Fury, making it clear she meant every word.

 ‘It’s not that simple,’ he sighed.  
 ‘Then simplify it,’ she continued and she let out a deep sigh as her arm sank down,’ Look for anything alien, anything that’s not supposed to be there.’  
‘We have.’  
‘Then do it again, more precisely!’ she insisted.

He stayed quiet but she could see in his eyes she wasn’t getting through to him.   
‘There is something wrong with me, I know it,’ she then spoke softly,’ Loki did something to me, put something in my head, put a spell on me or some alien shit, it’s the only logical explanation! Why else do I keep seeing him in my dreams? Why else would he occupy my thoughts every hour of every day?!’

Her voice was starting to break and for the first time in their conversation she could see some form of sympathy on Fury’s face.    
‘Look, agent,’ Fury said, keeping his voice low and soft,’ I do not pretend to understand what happened to you on Asgard, or precisely how deep your relationship with Loki went.’ 

‘What happened on Asgard doesn’t matter now that I know who he is,’ she whispered as she turned her eyes away, the pain was obvious in her voice,’ what he has done is…unforgivable. He’s a monster, sir. He killed my sister and almost killed me…I should hate him with every fibre in my being…’    
She bit her lip to stop the tears when their eyes met. 

‘Why can’t I?’ she sobbed quietly.

‘Maybe when it comes to Loki you’re not thinking with your head but with your heart,’ Nick stated, making her shake her head furiously in protest and he could see her fight back any more tears.  
 ‘No,’ she then insisted,’ please let me take the tests again.’    
‘We have tested everything we could possibly test, agent Wilson,’ he answered,’ everything came back clear. I know it’s not what you want to hear but there is nothing wrong with you, there are no spells or alien devices or mind tricks…you are fine.’

 She let out a defeated sigh and shook her head.

  ‘Please,’ she then begged, her voice was coated in tears again,’ I don’t want this, please get it out of me, please…try one more time, take the tests one last time and whatever they say then…I’ll accept it.’

***  

Clint was pacing in front of the glass wall an hour later while Mia was on the other side, lying in the doctor’s chair as he was putting the high tech devices in place on her arms and head. Clint looked away and turned to Fury, who was standing next to him.

  ‘They won’t find anything, you know that, right?’ Fury stated.   
‘Right,’ Clint sighed,’ what if it’s something our technology can’t register?’

‘This is Shield, Barton,’ Fury answered without any hesitation and a small disdainful look on his face,’ there is nothing our devices can’t pick up.’  
‘Then why…,’ he let out a frustrated sigh,’ if there is nothing there, then why is she like this?’

He looked at Fury who just shook his head with a sigh,’ not you too, Barton.’

‘I don’t know what happened on Asgard but that is not my wife out there!’ he pointed against the glass in anger as his voice filled the room and he avoided looking at the pale, nervous woman in front of him in the doctor’s chair,’ she came back wrong, Fury!’

‘She came back different,’ Fury answered calmly,’ I know this must be hard on you but you need to give her time to find herself again.’

‘I don’t even recognize her anymore,’ he sighed,’ I haven’t since she came back, you know? It’s like the best part of her…is still on Asgard, with him…and whatever came back here…I know it’s her body but…I don’t know the woman who is lying in that chair right now but I know it is not my wife! It is not the woman who left earth to take revenge on her sister and take him down! Goddamnit, her and her fucking mission! It was the worst idea from the start and I should have stopped her, I should have…’

Fury stayed quiet and let him spew his anger until he calmed down again. 

‘None of us would have been able to stop her, you realize that, right?’ he then said.

Clint nodded his head with a sigh after which he fled the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving Fury alone.  

***  

Mia put on a white t-shirt and blue summer shorts, she straightened her long blonde hair and stopped to look at herself in the bedroom mirror.  

There was a flash of another woman, wearing a long green dress and a relaxed smile on her face as her hair danced in the wind and she reached her hand out to someone walking behind her in the open field. She could hear his deep content laughter in the back of her mind and quickly closed her eyes and turned her head away before more of the images and sounds would become clear.   
She jumped when Clint walked into the room. 

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you,’ he spoke softly.   
‘It’s alright,’ she sighed.  
‘Are you okay?’ his face looked worried.

 ‘Yes,’ she said,’ the tests came back clear, again, I’m perfectly fine…in theory.’   
He walked up closer behind her and their eyes met in the mirror.    
‘Are you still seeing Dr Shaw?’ he then asked.  
 ‘Yes, though I really doubt she’s helping at all,’ she sighed,’ how long can you talk and analyze things before you have to admit nothing’s changing?’  

The look in his eyes was one of defeat and sadness and she felt her heart sink. She knew how hard the past months had been on him, some days she wondered why he was still here. She clearly wasn’t getting any better and it didn’t look like that was going to change soon, yet he was still here helping her through every day, was this what love looked like?  

She turned around to meet his eyes and stepped closer, putting her hands on his chest as she leaned her head against his shoulder. He enveloped her in his arms and held her tight, putting a soft kiss on her forehead.  They stood like that for a few minutes until she leaned her head back to look at him, allowing herself to stare into those grey eyes.   Over the past months her memories involving Clint had been gradually coming back to her, she remembered pretty much everything now. How they met, worked together closely, how they became friends and when and where it turned into more than that, she remembered the wedding night in full detail. 

The only thing missing from those memories was the actual love. She could pinpoint the exact moment where she fell in love with him but she couldn’t recall what if felt like.  It was like watching someone else’s story play out in your head like a movie but you were only a spectator and never really a part of it.    
But she wanted to be a part of it, she wanted to fulfill that role so badly and regain everything she had lost.  

His eyes were soft and loving as he stared back at her, the expression on his face serious when she leaned her face against his.   
‘Make love to me,’ she then asked,’ please.’

He closed his eyes for a few moments as his fingers tangled into her hair and he pulled her closer to him.   
‘Are you sure about that?’ he asked.

 ‘I want to feel again and I need you to help me, make me feel you again, Clint,’ she begged and she put her lips on his in a soft kiss, the touch of her mouth urging him to deepen the kiss and take charge.   He put his arms around her waist and guided her to the bed as they kept kissing, his hands seemed to be everywhere now that he was finally allowed to follow his urges and touch her freely after months of keeping his distance.  

She pulled at his shirt while he lifted her off the ground and they both sank down on the bed. He positioned himself between her legs, which she eagerly spread for him as she kissed his neck and heard him moan under her touch.   
‘God, you have no idea how much I want you, how much I’ve missed you,’ he whispered into her ear as he pushed up against her, making her feel his erection.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes, trying to disappear into his touch and focus only on him, desperate to forget everything else. 

And for a few moments it seemed to be working, his kisses were soft and full of longing and she allowed herself to drift. Letting her nails drag over his back and making him moan louder and louder into their kiss.    
It wasn’t until his hands made their way between her legs that things started to feel wrong.  She could no longer make out the sweet words he was whispering into her ear, and his voice seemed to be changing. 

‘I love you, I love you,’ his voice became more fierce and determined with every word until it had changed so much it no longer sounded like Clint, it sounded like…HIM. 

‘Look at me, please…LOOK AT ME!’

She gasped for air when she opened her eyes and stared right into those green eyes, his hands pulled her panties aside and he shoved his erection into her.  The moan escaping her lips was cut short when he kissed her, there was no softness in this kiss, it was filled with a whole other sentiment, one she had never felt in Clint before.

  ‘I love you,’ he whispered again, his voice seemed to have calmed down but there was no doubt left in her mind now. She looked at him again and stared right into his pale face and long black hair as he leaned his face against hers, making her catch her breath. Her hands flew into his hair and she pulled him close to her, meeting his thrusts as she pushed her hips off the bed, giving into her bodies needs.  

He felt cold to the touch, a familiar enticing cold she had missed during the past months, his thrusts out of control and quickly sending her over the edge, the feel of him, his fingers all over her most sensitive parts, his hardness reaching every little secret spot inside of her…her mind knew it wasn’t really him but her body responded as if it was anyway and it was ready to explode.  

‘Don’t stop,’ she whispered, burying her face against his shoulder,’ don’t stop…don’t stop…Loki!’  

With one final grunt he spilled inside of her and with it triggered her own orgasm to rush through her as she clung to him and let it leave her body, he held her in his arms until they both calmed down their breathing. 

She didn’t dare open up her eyes until she felt him kiss her forehead and pull away from her. She looked up into his soft grey eyes and the sadness on his face.  

‘Clint,’ she whispered,’ I am so…’  
 ‘Don’t say another word,’ he sighed and he lifted himself off her and left the bed and the room.   She grabbed the sheets to cover herself up, her breath was still out of control and she could feel the cold lingering all over her body, making it impossible to stop shivering. 

After a few minutes Clint walked back into the room, fully clothed and with a serious, closed expression on his face this time.

‘I don’t know what happened,’ she stuttered, still covering herself up with the bed sheets and avoiding his eyes,’ I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.’ 

‘Oh, I do,’ he gave her a judgmental look and took his jacket,’ I have tried so hard the past months, Mia.’   
‘I know you have,’ she sighed.

 ‘I want so much to give you everything you need,’ he continued, his voice was turning softer,’ make it all better for you, but…I can’t be him. I can’t compete with a God.’

 ‘He’s not a God, he’s a monster,’ her voice sounded desperate in her own ears and she shook her head.   
‘But that’s not really what you believe, is it?’ Clint asked softly.  

She bit her lip.  
  ‘No,’ she whispered, turning her head away from him.  

For a few moments Clint just nodded his head and stayed quiet, trying to determine what his next step should be. It wasn’t one he wanted to take, but he knew he had no other choice.

‘I need to go for a while,’ he then said, making her look at him again.  
 ‘Go where?’ she asked in shock.  

‘Anywhere you are not,’ he then confessed and before he allowed himself to look at her again he put on his leather jacket and left the room with Mia in it.

***

  ‘What is it?’

‘Stop poking it!’ 

‘It looks like a man.’  

‘That’s a really pale man! Wait, is he dead?!’

The oldest of the two boys took one step closer. Their morning stroll along the beach had been interrupted by a loud bang, after which they found a dark pile of…something, in the middle of the beach.   
As soon as they stepped closer they could distinguish the form of a man, covered in black, and blood.

His pale skin formed a big contrast with the dark red blood stains on his face and hair, and the black leather clothing around his body seemed to be ripped apart in some places, showing even more wounds and bruises underneath.

‘I think he’s breathing,’ the boy said when he watched the man’s chest rise up and down quickly. 

‘Where on earth did he come from?’ the younger boy asked.  

His older brother looked around them on the beach, it had been empty as far as the eye could see just a few moments ago.   
The only place this stranger could have come from was… 

‘I don’t think he came from earth,’ the boy whispered as he looked up into the clear blue sky above them.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been a while...I'm sorry for taking so long with this one.   
> Thank you to everyone who stuck by this story, I won't leave you without an ending, just bear with me ;)

‘So, how are you feeling?’  
Dr Shaw’s soothing voice filled the small room as she leaned forward in her armchair and looked down on Mia, stretched out on the comfortable leather couch next to her.

‘Numb.’ Mia’s voice was quiet and calm, completely out of sync with her emotions that were all over the place and screaming inside her head.

‘Sad,’ she continued,’ angry, desperate, I care too much and…at the same time I don’t care at all, I feel like I can’t control anything, I’m powerless, and frustrated and…’  
‘Okay, Mia,’ she interrupted her,’ one word. Try and tell me how you feel in one word.’

She stayed quiet for a few seconds, feeling the tears sting in the back of her eyes.  
‘Incomplete,’ she then whispered.

‘In what way?’

‘I feel like a part of me is missing,’ Mia sighed,’ and I don’t just mean my memories.’  
‘You mean Loki?’ Dr Shaw asked,’ you still miss him.’

Mia stayed quiet.   
‘It’s alright, Mia,’ dr Shaw reassured her,’ you can be completely honest between these four walls, as with any doctor I am bound by the same doctor/patient confidentiality.’  

Mia shook her head in a little smile. ‘You’re a doctor for Shield,’ she then said,’ I highly doubt those rules apply here.’ 

Dr Shaw leaned forward and put her hand on Mia’s.  ‘You can confide in me,’ she then spoke softer.  
‘Alright then, yes,’ Mia confessed,’ yes, I still miss him and I feel like a part of me has been left on Asguard, with him. Is that what you want to hear?’  
Now it was dr Shaw’s turn to stay quiet.

‘You are aware of who he is now,’ she then stated.  
 ‘Yes,’ Mia answered impatiently,’ of course I am aware! I know who he is and what he has done and yet I still miss him, how insane is that?!’  
She sat up on the couch and threw her legs over the edge while her eyes found Dr Shaw’s strict gaze.

‘Please stay seated,’ she urged her.    
‘I will not stay seated,’ Mia raised her voice while she stood up,’ I will not stay seated and listen to the same type of crappy questions every week, I know you’re hoping for a different outcome each time but it is clearly not happening.‘ ‘We just need some more time, Mia,’ she insisted.

‘No,’ Mia shook her head firmly while she headed towards the door of the office, ’You can not help me!’

‘Mia, please wait, Mia!’

Mia slammed the door behind her, leaving Dr Shaw alone in her seat. She leaned back and let out a deep sigh while she grabbed her cell phone.

***

Later that day Mia was pushing a cart filled with files out in front of her out of the elevator and into the basement.   
This was all they’d let her do now, classify old files that were no longer of any importance, she found it rather fitting to her situation. 

If Fury had his way this was probably where she would end up too, locked up in a box in the basement of Shield, out of sight and out of mind.

She tried not to think about it, at least the work kept her busy and distracted.  
She typed in her code to open the doors and pushed the cart inside when it hit something.  
‘Oh, hello, Mia.’  
‘Clint,’ her breath was stuck in her throat. 

She hadn’t expected to see anyone here, least of all him, agents hardly ever made their way down here,’ what…what are you doing here?’

‘Fury had some old files he wanted me to take a look at,’ he answered as he showed her the papers in his hands,’ so, this is where you spend your days now?’  
‘For now, yes,’ she answered quickly and she pushed her cart past him and entered the library.

‘Are you alright?’ Clint asked.   
‘I’m fine, Clint, you don’t need to worry about me.’

She knew there was more he wanted to say but she didn’t want to hear it so she turned her back to him and started picking up files from the cart and searched for the right boxes to put them in.  
‘Mia?’ he asked again.

 ‘Don’t,’ she sighed,’ please, don’t. There’s nothing left to say here, Clint, just let it be.’  
‘Alright,’ he let out a defeated sigh and started walking towards the door but he turned around just before he reached it.  
‘Do you really think he’s going to come back for you?’

  ‘What?’ she turned around to look at him, the look of worry had made room for something else, something more ugly, the jealousy and anger were all over his face.   
Of course, even the most patient man had his limit.

‘Do you think he would risk his life for you?’ he continued in a jealous fit,’ for a silly mortal girl when he can have every woman in Asgard on her knees for him?’  
‘Stop it!’ she begged him.  
‘You are stuck in a sick fantasy, Mia, and it will only bring you more unhappiness, you are throwing away your life, your future, for a man you are never going to see again, a criminal, a murderer!’

‘I know that!’ the anger was overtaking her but she could feel her hands starting to shake. She knew it would end in tears if she let her emotions take over.

‘Please leave,’ she then spoke quietly and calmly,’ please leave, Clint.’

He just shook his head in a desperate sigh and threw up his arms in a defeated shrug before he left the library and shut the door behind him, leaving Mia alone in the big empty space.  
She knew her tears were inevitable and she just let them fall while she leaned against the book shelf behind her.

Clint was right, there was no way she would ever see Loki again, she needed to get over this. She needed to get him out of her head before it drove her insane. She had to forget about him and continue with her life.

And with that thought it was suddenly crystal clear what she needed to do.

*** 

‘Please hold still,’ Lily begged while she examined his arm. 

It had taken her over ten minutes to convince the stranger to walk over to her ambulance with her so she could take a better look at him. He was covered in blood yet she couldn’t find any clear wounds. 

He seemed confused more than anything and she hadn’t gotten a sensible word out of him since she was called down here by the two young boys who found him on the beach.   
His clothes were torn and covered in dirt and more blood.

‘What has happened to you?’ Lily sighed, she was questioning the situation more than she was asking him, knowing she wouldn’t get an answer out of this mysterious man in front of her.

He was just staring into space with a blank expression on his pale face.  
‘Sir, can you tell me your name?’ she tried again.

Her question was greeted by more silence. She continued to wipe most of the blood from his face and leaned closer to him to try and look into his eyes and get him to focus on her.  
‘Do you remember anything?’ she asked.

‘Where is this?’ his rough deep voice surprised her, it seemed to contradict his delicate features.  
‘What?’ she asked confused.  
 ‘What city is this?’ he asked again.  
‘We’re in Atlantic City, sir,’ she answered,’ do you know where that is?’  
She watched him think for a moment.

 ‘New York?’ he then asked.  
‘New York is two hours north from here,’ she said,’ is that where you’re from?’

He just nodded his head and pushed her arm away from him while he stood up.  
‘Sir, I’d really like to take you to the hospital for a real check up,’ she insisted.

‘That won’t be necessary,’ Loki waved her concern away,’ you’ve been very helpful, thank you.’

‘But…sir, wait! You’re hurt, you can’t just…’

She could no nothing but watch him as he turned his back to her and walked away, ignoring her plea.

***

Nick Fury looked up from his desk when she walked in, trying to hold in the heavy sigh he wanted to let out seeing her here again. Whatever she wanted he knew it couldn’t be good.

‘Agent Wilson,’ he spoke firmly.  
‘I’m sorry to disturb you, sir,’ she said while she stood still in front of his desk. ‘What is it?’

His tone was impatient, she knew she had no credit left with him and she needed to be direct and clear before he would kick her out.

‘I have one more request, if I may, sir,’ she asked politely.  
‘I’m not sure you have one left, Agent Wilson,’ he sighed,’ but let’s not waste each other’s time. What can I do for you?’

‘My memory, sir,’ she started but he was quick to interrupt her.

 ‘I’m sorry, Mia,’ he sighed, hoping the use of her first name would help him get through to her,’ you know we all feel for you but we have tried everything, you need to let this go now. There are no more tests to be done.’

‘No, I know that, that’s not what I need.’  
 ‘What then?’ he asked,’ what can I do for your memory?’

The irritation was apparent in his voice but she ignored it when she made her request,’ I need you to wipe it again, one last time.’

He opened his mouth to deny her request but shut it again as soon as he heard her words and realized they were not what he expected.  
‘What do you mean?’

‘I need you to wipe it again, all of it,’ she repeated,’ I want to forget it all, my sister, Shield, New York, Asguard.’  
She stayed quiet for a moment and then added more quietly,’ Loki.’

Fury was quiet, which she took as a good sign.

‘It would be a win-win situation, sir,’ she continued, knowing he needed a little more convincing,’ not only will you be helping me but I would no longer be a risk for Shield, I would forget everything I ever learned here, even forget this place even existed.’

‘This is a pretty drastic decision, Mia,’ he then said,’ you’re talking about wiping away years of your life, have you thought about this?’

 ‘I have, sir,’ she insisted and she leaned forward against his desk to look him in the eyes and show him there was no doubt in her mind,’ it’s the only way. I need a new start, it’s the best thing for me, please.’

He took a long look at her and then she watched him nod his head,’ you’ll need to sign a bunch of papers and have another talk with Dr Shaw.’  
‘Not a problem,’ she said,’ when can they do it?’

‘Tomorrow,’ he answered and he let out a little sigh while he stood from his desk and walked up to her, for the first time in a while she could see genuine sympathy on his face,’ if you truly want this, your new life starts tomorrow.’


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need to thank everyone who is still reading this story, you guys are the most patient readers ever, and I promise you will get your ending. I have it in my head, I just need to put it into words and that may take me some time.
> 
> This chapter is all plot and feels, no smut. There will be more of that later!

Fury had explained it to her patiently and step by step, there was no chip this time, only a serum. It would be stronger and there would be loads more of it, as much as she needed to forget. It could take hours but also days, depending on how willing she was to let go. 

Most patients claimed forgetting was all they wanted but as soon as they were on that table and the process started they were fighting for every single memory.

‘What about your parents?’ Fury asked.  
  ‘My father left before I was born and my mother…let’s just say she won’t miss me. There is no other family to speak of, not anymore.’  
She took a deep sigh and leaned back in the chair while her eyes found his.

‘I need a new life, a completely new life, sir,’ she then spoke firmly.   
‘Do you mean…a new identity?’  
  ‘I’ve read the options, and yes, I think that’s what I want. I don’t have anything that ties me here.’   
‘How about anyone?’

Her mind wondered over to Clint for a few seconds but she shook her head before she finished that thought. There was nothing there anymore, she knew he’d be better off without her.  
  ‘No, there’s no one, sir.’  
They were both quiet until Fury finally nodded his head.

‘How does it work, exactly?’ Mia then asked,’ I don’t mean the procedure, I mean afterwards.’

‘You will wake up in a hospital in the city of your choice, you will have no memory of what happened, no memory at all of your life. Your mind will be like a clean slate. You will be a Jane Doe and you will have to start all over again, no possessions, no identity, no past.’  
She just stared out in front of her, slightly nodding her head while her hands lay calm in her lap.

‘Do you think you’re up for that?’ he asked.

‘Considering the alternative,’ she sighed and looked him right in the eyes,’ yes, I am.’  

***

One day later Mia was lying on a hospital table in the Shield facilities, wrists and ankles tied and several tubes inserted into her arm where the serum would enter her body and take away life as she knew it. And make room for something better, if everything went according to plan.

  She knew it was drastic and desperate but these were desperate times. Some people carried their traumas with them their whole lives. Shield gave her the opportunity to get rid of them, get rid of all the pain and start over, a clean slate and no emotional baggage. 

Who would say no to that?

Mia didn’t care much about the process itself or the physical pain it would inflict on her. It’s not like she would remember any of the treatment once it was over anyway. 

Fury had described it to her in detail and warned her to open up her mind and not fight the procedure, which seemed ridiculous to her.   She wanted to get rid of the memories, why would she put up a fight?

During the first hours she was true to her word. Her years at Shield, all the missions, her training, her colleagues, being undercover, even Clint.  She let it all slip from her without any sign of protest.   
It wasn’t until they reached the events of New York that her subconsciousness objected.

Fury watched her struggle against her restraints and noticed she was starting to sweat. The assistant upped the serum and gave him a nervous look but he just nodded his head.

‘Let her fight it, this is perfectly normal,’ he reassured her.

Mia wasn’t in the room anymore. She was in New York, lying on the floor of the subway and she watched her slip through her hands. Carrie, her sister, was running away from her and leaving her on the burning floor. It was the last time Mia would ever see her alive.

‘No,’ Mia’s voice came out hoarse and panicky,’ no, please, not this one…let me keep this one, please…Carrie, don’t leave me!’

  ‘Sir?’ the assistant was also becoming more nervous.  
 ‘It’s alright,’ Fury put his hand on Mia’s arm when it was starting to shake,’ we’re getting to the hard ones now, the more they fight to keep a certain memory the better it will be for them to let it go.’  
‘Nooooo,’ tears were flowing from Mia’s eyes while she gritted her teeth.

  ‘Let go, Mia,’ Fury sighed,’ come on girl, this is what you wanted, let go.’

The assistant’s hand was shaking and she added even more serum. It only took a few minutes for Mia’s body to calm down again.   
She had stopped shaking and she was quiet. In her mind there was no more Carrie. She was lying alone on the ground now until the New York subway around her started to change and the entire memory evaporated from her mind.  Her body was completely still again, a deep sigh left her lips. 

This fight was over but it wouldn’t be the last.  
She was no longer on earth now, she was in the palace, on Asgard, and he was right there beside her. Loki.

She was drifting from one memory to another, his voice so clear inside her head as if he was right there, whispering the words into her ear.

\---

‘I was thinking…how happy you make me,’ Loki said softly,’ How I’m changing, you changed me…and I don’t care where you come from or how you got here. I truly believe you were sent to me as a gift from the gods.’ 

‘Am I beautiful?’ she asked him.  
 ‘Yes,’ he said, his voice drenched in desire,’ you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen…and I have never wanted anything more.’

  ‘If you didn’t want me to touch you, you should have just said so,’ he spat out, she could hear the bitterness of rejection in his words,’ I would have never forced myself on you.’   
‘I know that,’ she said softly, her eyes searched for his but he refused to look at her,’ I wanted you…to touch me, I wanted you to Loki!’ 

‘You have no idea what I did,’ he whispered.   
‘I don’t care,’ she said and she realized to her own surprise that she meant every word of it. She didn’t care if he was a murderer, all she could feel was her heart breaking for him,’ I know what you did for me, that is all I need to know.’   
‘Never leave me,’ he whispered into her ear as he held her close.  
 ‘I won’t,’ she smiled as she hugged him and buried her head against his chest. 

\---

Fury watched as her body started to shake again, struggling to get out of her restraints, oblivious to the physical pain she was causing herself.  
‘Nooo!’ she was yelling this time.

‘Sir?’ the nurse asked.   
‘Continue as scheduled.’  
‘Loki!’ Mia’s voice filled the room, pleading, repeating Loki’s name over and over until her anger made room for sadness and she sobbed quietly.

‘Do what you have to, ignore her pleas and finish the job,’ Fury instructed the nurse while he walked towards the door,’ let me know when you’re done.’

He left the room without looking back at Mia and closed the door behind him.

***

4 months later

 

He watched her as she filled the tray, her movements fast yet controlled and calm, like she had done this every day of her life, a routine that no longer required any thinking.   
She checked the receipts in front of her and crossed them off before she took the tray and carried it through the cafe and in between the tables, stopping here and there to serve customers their order.  
He kept his head down when she passed, not wanting to draw any attention to himself or distract her by his presence. 

He had been watching her through the window first, for a couple of days now, making sure it was actually her before he set foot into the place.   She looked so different, her hair was shorter and a tad darker than he remembered. She even looked smaller but when he watched her smile it took away every single doubt he had, it was her.

He trusted the files he stole from Shield wouldn’t lie, but he needed to see it with his own eyes before he would allow himself to hope.

‘Can I help you, sir?’  
Her soft and friendly voice startled him, there was no time to decide how he was going to handle this or what he was going to say to her.   
‘Sir?’ she asked again.

He looked up carefully to find her eyes already resting on him, a hesitant smile on her face while she waited for his answer. She was holding a pen and note block in her hands, ready to scribble down his order. There was no sign of recognition on her face, she looked at him as she did at any other customer.

‘H…Hi,’ Loki muttered.  
‘Hi,’ she gave him a warm, friendly smile,’ can I help you or do you need some more time to decide?  

No words escaped his lips just a small sigh when he realized she really didn’t recognize him.   She gave him a little comforting nod,’ I’ll come back in a few minutes, take your time.’  
He wanted to speak but she was gone before he managed to utter a word.

He had spent these past months on earth, mainly looking for her and trying to find any information he could find. With the help of Barton, well forced help, he managed to look into her personal and very classified files from Shield, which lead him here, to Snowshill, England.

The small town made it easy for him to keep a low profile and blend in while getting used to the Midgardian way of life. He missed his comfort from Asgard but this quiet, modest existence on earth also relaxed him in a way he hadn’t expected.  There was no violence in his daily life here, no wars to be fought or thrones to be conquered. It was a meaningless life with no higher purpose yet strangely comfortable after a while. It was very different from what he was used to. 

‘Did you make a decision?’ her friendly voice brought him back to reality.  
‘Yes, is it too late to order breakfast?  
‘Of course it is, it’s two o’clock in the afternoon, but I’ll see what I can do for you,’ she left him with a little wink and a comforting smile. 

He had forgotten how beautiful she was, how her smile could lift him up and how much he had missed her.

She disappeared into the kitchen leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

He had looked into her eyes, there was no sign of recognition there at all.  He read the file, what they did to her, he knew the woman he loved was gone. And yet a part of him believed if she would just took one look at him she would remember everything and it would all be alright.   
How foolish of him…

These past weeks he had often thought of his mother’s words: when you love something, sometimes you have to let it go to see if it comes back to you, if it doesn’t then maybe it was never meant for you.  
Her words had comforted him during those first days when Astrid was gone but now he no longer believed them. Sometimes when you let go of something you loved it was just gone. 

He watched her behind the counter, filling plates and coffee cups and laughing with the other two ladies that were working there. She seemed so happy here, at peace, with her new life.   
Maybe he had no right to even be here, to take her away from this.

He took another sip from his coffee and stood up but just as he left his table he almost bumped into her.

‘You’re leaving?’ she asked, a look of surprise on her face,’ I’ve checked with the kitchen and I can bring you a full English breakfast if you can wait a little bit longer.’

‘It’s fine,’ he spoke quietly while he shook his head and tried to move past her towards the door but in his haste to get away he bumped into her and almost knocked her off balance.  He grabbed her by the waist to keep her standing and her hands landed on his chest, their faces closer than they had been before and she looked up shyly to meet his eyes.  
‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered.

Her mouth opened to speak but no sound came out. There was no longer a smile on her face, just a look of sudden confusion and awe as she stared at him.   
The sad, loving look in the eyes of the man staring back at her threw her off and for a few moments she couldn’t look away from those soft eyes.  

’I’m…it’s fine,’ she shook her head and managed to put the smile back on her face while she stepped back from him. It was only then that Loki noticed the name plate on her uniform and it was enough to make his heart skip a beat.  
‘Astrid?’ he whispered.  
‘Yes,’ she smiled,’ that’s my name.’  
She lifted her eye brow and smiled nervously.

‘Are you alright?’ she then asked, a hint of worry in her voice,’ will you sit down and let me bring you breakfast? It won’t take long.’

He nodded his head and stepped back to his seat where he sat down without saying another word.

There was no way he was going to leave now. There were no such coincidences, out of all the names in Midgard she chose that one. It could only mean one thing.  

She still remembered him, she just wasn’t aware of it right now. He would have to make her remember.


	19. Chapter 19

She splashed some water into her face and watched herself in the mirror of the tiny bathroom in the back of the coffee shop.

Astrid.

The name on her uniform kept staring her in the face. She had chosen it herself, after days of internet searches, looking for that one name that would somehow flip a switch in her brain and tell her exactly who she was.  Of course that didn’t happen, but for some reason she kept coming back to Astrid.

She got tired of looking and overthinking so she just picked that one, but somehow it still didn’t quite sound right. 

Because it’s not your name…

She let out a deep sigh and leaned against the sink for a few moments before she opened the blouse of her uniform and took it off.   
She replaced it with a black t-shirt and brushed her hair back, but the woman staring back at her in the mirror was still a stranger.

The doctors had informed her well, the chance of ever getting her memory back was pretty much non existent. But that didn’t prevent her from starting over and building a life for herself.   
She was completely healthy and there was no reason she couldn’t lead a perfectly normal life. At least that’s what the doctors said. 

But how on earth do you live a life without memories, without a past, without a family or anyone that really knew you? Including yourself.

She liked this town, it was small and quiet and the people had been incredibly generous and nice to her. After Betty, the owner of the coffee shop, heard Astrid’s story she immediately offered her the job and even helped find her an apartment.  
She enjoyed living here, she even enjoyed her job and in the beginning she actually believed it was possible, to just start over and build a new life here.     
But the more time passed the more she felt like something was missing, she just wasn’t sure what that something was. 

A place or some sort of purpose? Or a person?

She took one last look into the mirror and then grabbed her purse and jacket but just as she turned around, the door of the bathroom opened.   
It was the beautiful dark haired customer that had been visiting the shop every day for the past week.

‘The men’s room is through the other door,’ she pointed with a smile.

‘I know,’ he spoke calmly while he stepped further into the room.  
 ‘Can I help you?’ she asked.

‘I am truly sorry to have to do this, but I see no other way.’

Before she could process his words he was right in front of her and everything turned dark.

***

 Loki was pacing his quarters nervously, trying his best to ignore the sobbing that came through the door of the small bedroom next to his. 

What had he done? What was he thinking by bringing her back to Asgard with him? 

After watching her for days on Midgard without getting closer to her this had seemed like his only option. To get her to be alone with him, to bring her back to the place where she had been Astrid.   
There must have been a reason she had picked that name and not Mia. It was the name he had given her, and he had to believe that meant something. 

So he took her, hoping Asgard would ignite something in her and bring back what was dormant. He had to believe that, because the thought of the woman he loved being completely gone brought tears to his eyes. 

*** 

The room was small but well taken care of, the sheets on the bed were fresh and the plate on the small table next to it was filled with food, more than she could eat in a day.   
Astrid sat down on the side of the bed, her eyes were teary but her face was surprisingly calm as she looked up at Loki when he stepped into the room.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked softly,’ are you in any pain?’

‘No.’

‘Is there anything I can get you? More food, something to drink? Are you cold?’

‘I don’t need anything,’ she spoke quietly,’ but you can tell me who you are and what you want from me?’

‘I don’t want anything,’ he sighed.

‘Why did you bring me here?’

He stayed quiet for a bit.

‘You do not remember,’ he then whispered, standing next to her by the side of the bed.

‘I have trouble…remembering things. Something damaged my brain.’

‘I know.’

She looked up at him, feeling calmer when she noticed the loving, sad eyes that stared back at her.   
Every bit of fear she may have felt disappeared in that moment.  
‘You know me?’ she then asked.

‘It’s complicated, but yes, I do.’

She stood up to bring her face right in front of him,’ who are you?’

‘My name is Loki,’ he kept his eyes on her while he spoke his name but there was no change in her expression. The name meant nothing to her. 

He felt like he had taken a step back in time to when he first met her, when she was a prisoner in his quarters, except she didn’t look as scared this time.  
He couldn’t go back to that, not after everything that happened between them, not after what he felt for her now.

‘Who am I?’ she asked,’ Am I Astrid? Is that really my name?’

‘Astrid is the name I gave to you.’

Her eyes were drawn to his, unable to look away but he could read the confusion all over her face,’ But it’s not the name I was born with?’

‘No. It’s Mia,’ he then spoke softly,’ your name is Mia.’

‘Mia,’ she repeated the name carefully. Loki noticed the disappointment on her face and he knew it sounded completely unfamiliar to her.

‘What else do you know about me?’ she asked.

‘Nothing,’ he answered too quickly,’ please don’t ask me anything more, that is all I know.’

‘But…’

‘No, please,’ he repeated in a firmer tone while he walked away from her, hoping to avoid further conversation.

He turned back just before he stepped outside of the room,’ Look, you have always been Astrid to me. I don’t know who Mia is, I can not help you with that.’

She nodded her head, her curiosity made room for a quiet sadness he’d seen on her often when she thought no one was looking in the coffee shop.   
He watched her sink back down on the bed, she was no longer looking at him and he left the room.

As soon as he had closed the door he could hear her sobbing again. He carefully leaned his head against the door, listening to her soft voice and fighting the urge to burst in there and kiss her tears away.  

He knew that was not an option, he was a stranger to her now and he didn’t want to upset her more than he already had.

He walked back to his living room and stopped in front of his library, he leaned down and let his fingers run over a couple of the book covers.   
When he got to the end of the row he pulled the last book towards him and grabbed another smaller one from behind it.

 It was different from all the other books, there was no text, it was all handwritten and filled with only notes and drawings.

Mia’s diary.  

Loki realized the papers in his hand held the answers she was searching for, answers about her past and who she was. But they also held a lot more questions, questions he couldn’t answer, and others he didn’t want to.

This little book contained her life, but it was a life she had chosen to run away from, a life she clearly found too painful to remember. He had to believe that forgetting was what she wanted, even though it was hurting her right now.

He put the book back behind the other ones on the shelf, showing this to her could do more harm than good. And even if he did consider it, now would be too soon.

He walked over to the open balcony, feeling the soft warm wind on his skin while he looked down on Asgard. Suddenly the sadness and loneliness overwhelmed him and he had to fight back tears. 

She was finally here, the one thing he’d been dreaming of and working towards these past months and somehow she seemed further away from him than ever. 

Inside her room Astrid’s tears were slowly starting to dry. She still had no idea where she was but after facing her capturer she couldn’t help but feel some sort of relief.   

Maybe it was naive of her but she was convinced he only had good intentions, she had seen it in his eyes. This was not a man that wanted to hurt her, on the contrary.   
He knew her, probably cared for her, in what matter she had no idea yet but she couldn’t wait to find out. 

She took a piece of food from the plate next to her bed and started eating, for the first time since she got here a few days ago she felt like maybe this was where she needed to be.   
All this time she had believed she was alone in the world and there was no one out there that missed her or was looking for her but she was wrong.

He had been looking for her. 

Loki.

She closed her eyes and whispered his name, an involuntary little smile forming on her lips.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, this one is so long overdue I don’t even know where to begin. I struggled writing Tom and it also affected writing Loki, but I finally found him again.
> 
> This is the ending I’ve had in mind all along, it took me a while to get there and put it into words the way I wanted to, but I’m glad with how it turned out. This story has been running for so long I really hope the ending does it some justice.
> 
> And I want to thank every single one of you who stuck by me for this one, you guys are incredibly patient and I can never thank you enough!

For the most part of the following days Astrid stayed in her room, only coming out to use the bath and take books from Loki’s library inside her room with her.  

Loki didn’t speak to her, he only asked if she needed anything, which she declined every time. He made sure she had food and clean clothes and she didn’t seem to need, or want, anything more from him.

Her mere presence calmed him down and after a few weeks he noticed the time she spent inside her room had grown smaller.   
He started finding her out on the balcony, staring in awe at the sight of the city in front of her, or curled up on his couch with a book in her hand. She had started reading about Asgard, to Loki’s surprise she hadn’t asked about Earth, or asked about going back home. 

But his heart didn’t dare to hope. She still looked at him like one would look at a stranger, in fact she had barely looked at him at all.

***  ‘

What’s the matter, my son?’

Frigga took a seat next to Loki, it was a beautiful peaceful morning when she found him sitting by the flower garden. She knew by watching her son’s face that he was in a darker, less peaceful place in his head. He seemed a million miles away.

‘Is this about the woman you brought with you?’ she asked again,’ Astrid? I that her name?’

‘Yes,’ Loki turned to look at her, a little smile on his lips seeing his mother’s concern,’ I’m not sure bringing her here was the right decision.’

‘Does she want to go home?’

‘She hasn’t said so, no,’ he sighed.

‘Then what is it?’

‘I…don’t know,’ he sighed defeated.

‘Do you love her?’ Frigga looked into his eyes.

‘Yes, very much,’ he answered without any hesitation,’ But she doesn’t remember me, mother.’  
He shook his head in disappointment,’ Why won’t she remember me?’

‘Did something happen to her?’

‘They did something to damage her memories, it seems irreversible. How can she ever love me back when she doesn’t even remember who I am?’

‘Maybe she doesn’t need to remember, Loki, maybe she just needs to fall in love with you again.’  
He turned to look at her, finally all his attention was in their conversation.

‘How?’ he asked helplessly.

Frigga shrugged her shoulders and laughed,’ How did she fall in love with you the first time?’

‘I don’t know, we just talked and spent time together, she made me open up to her and I was just… myself,’ he seemed surprised by his own words,’ I was myself with her.’

His mother put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a little comforting smile,’ Well, then you know what to do now.’

***

Astrid was strolling through the garden that afternoon, she was surrounded by endless fields of flowers in every colour she could imagine. 

Everything here was so much bigger than it was on earth, more elegant and more impressive.   It was no wonder she could get used to living here, nothing on earth could compare. Not the buildings, nor the nature. Nor the men…

She stopped in her tracks when suddenly Loki stood before her, equally surprised to ran into her than she was.

‘Astrid,’ his voice was barely a whisper and he seemed hesitant to approach her,’ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’

‘You didn’t,’ she reassured him with a smile,’ this place is so beautiful, Loki. I could walk in these gardens forever.’  
He smiled and put his hands behind his back but stood still as she kept walking.  
‘Walk with me, please,’ she asked.

They strolled through the garden together.  
‘You seem scared to approach me,’ she said after a while,’ why is that?’

‘I’m scared to push you,’ Loki sighed,’ I know you don’t remember me, or us. I don’t want to expect things that I know you are not ready to give me.’

‘I want to…be ready,’ she spoke softly.

They shared one long look until Loki broke eye contact.  
‘But you’re not,’ he shook his head.

She suddenly stopped walking.

‘I’m sorry,’ Loki apologized,’ I didn’t mean to..’

‘I’ve been here before,’ she interrupted him.  
‘On Asgard, you mean?’

’No here, right here in this exact spot.’

She was staring in front of her, seemingly mesmerized by the spot of grass in front of her. A deja vu, she hadn’t had one since she lost her memory but this one was very strong.   
‘My sweet prince,’ she whispered.

Loki shivered when she spoke the words and stepped closer to her,’ What did you say?’

‘It’s what I used to call you, isn’t it?’ she looked up to meet his eyes.

‘Yes,’ his voice was barely more than a whisper.

‘I don’t know how I know that but I do,’ she added.

Loki took another step closer and carefully grabbed her hand, forcing her to keep looking at him.  
‘We spent the day here, just before you were taken from me,’ he explained,’ it was our last day together.’

She was nodding her head and he watched the tears build in her eyes.  
‘Gold…the blanket we sat on was gold,’ she whispered,’ there was fruit, and wine, more than we could eat…you made my clothes disappear.’ She smiled through her tears,’ We made love right here. And you said…’

‘I said that I loved you,’ Loki finished her sentence and grabbed both her hands while they stared into each other’s eyes.

‘I remember,’ she nodded her head and freed her hands to throw them around his neck and pull him close to her.   
She shivered at the feel of his strong arms around her waist as he hugged her tight and buried his face against her neck. 

Only now did she realize she had been longing for his touch for quite some time. ‘Loki,’ she cried.

‘You remember,’ he breathed against her neck and she could feel his cold tears on her skin.  
‘I don’t know,’ she sobbed,’ it’s just bits and pieces…’

She broke the hug to look at him and he could see the confusion return to her face.  
‘I remember this day,’ she then spoke softly,’ but I don’t remember anything else.’  
She was crying again, this time in desperation.

‘It’s okay,’ Loki tried to comfort her.

‘No, it’s not, Loki! It’s all right there, I can almost see it and yet it’s completely out of reach for me,’ she pushed him back and ran back to the palace.

*****

 Loki found her on the balcony that evening, her white dress shining under the stars and her hair almost gold under the night sky as she sat on the edge, staring down at the city underneath them. 

He took a seat next to her and didn’t hesitate to grab her hand this time.  
She looked up at him and they both couldn’t help but smile.

‘I’m sorry about before,’ she shook her head,’ I overreacted, I should have been happy that I remembered something, no matter how small.’

‘You don’t need to explain.’

She nodded her head.

‘Astrid, is there any place you would rather be?’ he asked,’ Please be honest with me, I don’t want to keep you here against your will. You are not my prisoner.’

‘This is where I want to be, with you,’ she said without hesitation and she squeezed his hand and let out a deep sigh,’ I’ve lost myself, Loki. I know it’s caused by the accident and the memory loss or whatever, but I feel like I’ve lost myself a long time before that. But when I’m with you…that suddenly doesn’t seem to matter so much. Being with you is the only time where I feel like everything is as it should be, and things aren’t so screwed up.’

She looked into his eyes and noticed he was fighting back tears.  
‘I may not remember everything but I trust that,’ she added,’ I trust the way I feel.’

‘Maybe you don’t need to remember,’ Loki said softly and he moved closer to her, resting his other hand on the small of her back,’ maybe memories are better off left in the past.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I haven’t done a lot of things that I’m proud in my life, but having you…you turned everything around for me, and when I lost you…I lost everything.’

‘That won’t happen again,’ she put her arms around him and pulled him close to her.

‘What I meant to say is…maybe we don’t need any old memories, maybe we just need to make new ones,’ he explained,’ maybe that’s enough.’

‘But I want so badly to remember our story, Loki,’ she bit her lip and shook her head in a sad sigh.  
‘Hey,’ he whispered and looked deeper into her eyes,’ Our story starts right here, today, nothing else matters.’

Loki leaned closer until his lips touched hers.

***

Two weeks later

Astrid walked into the living room that afternoon to find Loki by his book shelve, one if his favorite spots when there was nothing to do around the palace during the afternoon.   
She walked up to him from behind and put her arms around his waist, resting her head right between his shoulder blades. The small hum of appreciation from his lips warmed her heart.

‘Won’t you come outside with me? It’s a beautiful day out,’ she asked.

Loki turned around and leaned in to place a kiss on her lips,’ We’ll go in a little while, I need to show you something first.’  
He walked her over to the couch and asked her to sit down next to him.

‘What’s wrong?’ she recognized the worry on his face immediately. 

These past two weeks had given them a chance to grow closer to each other and Astrid had felt herself falling for him a little bit more with each passing day.   She had tried her best to live by Loki’s words, no past, only future, and while there was still some form of curiosity over her previous life, she had managed to do exactly that.   
Loki’s hands were clutched around a book that he placed on his lap and his face seemed to look more nervous than before.

‘What is it you need to show me?’ she asked.

‘This,’ Loki spoke softly,’ this book is…it’s yours. It was your diary when you first stayed here.’  
Astrid felt her heart grow heavy.

‘You didn’t have your full memory then either,’ Loki explained,’ but you wrote down things that reminded you of home.’  
She watched his hands shake as he handed the book to her.

‘I wasn’t sure what to do with it at first,’ he then said,’ but it wouldn’t be fair to keep this from you.’

She took it from him and for a few minutes they just sat in silence, she was both scared and excitedly curious about what she held in her hands. 

Answers, or maybe even more questions, would it tell her more about who she is, who she really is? Or would it just make things worse knowing pieces from a puzzle that could never be completely solved?

She let her eyes run back to Loki, he was staring down at the floor in front of him, his hands nervously fumbling the hem of his leather vest and his face almost paler than usual.  
He didn’t move until she stood up and walked over to the fire place.

With one confident throw the pages fell into the flames and within seconds everything burned to ashes.

She walked back to Loki, who looked up at her in shock.

‘You were right,’ she said while she carefully lifted up her dress and straddled him on the couch,’ I don’t need any of that. All I need is right here.’

Loki’s arms pulled her close and his mouth found hers in a hungry kiss. 

She kissed him back with a feverish passion and felt her breathing speed up quickly when he started kissing her neck and let his fingers dance across her back. When she moaned his name she could feel his erection pushing between her legs through the leather. 

‘Do your trick,’ she whispered in his ear and bit his earlobe.

‘I thought you wanted to go outside and have a stroll through the garden?’ he teased her and licked her neck while his hands cupped her breasts through the soft fabric of her dress.

‘Maybe later,’ she giggled and pushed down his leather coat but before she could finish the task both their clothes magically disappeared.

Loki moaned at the sudden contact of their naked skin and she started rolling her hips against him, unable to wait much longer.

He soon found her welcoming wetness and delved deep into it with one thrust, taking her breath away. Astrid clung to him with her entire body, the sensation of his cold skin on her own burning flesh felt familiar and excitingly new at the same time. She could feel herself get lost in his touch and she knew it was a place she would always want to lose herself.

‘Look at me,’ Loki begged while he pulled her down on him harder and harder with every push of his hips until they melt together and she screamed his name.

He carried her to his bed after and covered them both with warm blankets while he held her in his arms, unable to keep his eyes off her.

‘What are you thinking?’ she asked with a little smile.

‘I’m thinking I’m the luckiest prince on Asgard,’ he caressed her hair,’ to have found you twice.’

‘It must be our fate then, don’t you think?’

‘You once told me you don’t believe in such things.’

‘Maybe the new me does believe it,’ she leaned her forehead against his and he pulled her in for another kiss.

  ‘I can be whatever I want to be, and believe whatever I want,’ she then said, smiling at the realization of those words.

‘There is one thing I want you to be more than anything else in this world,’ Loki took her hand and looked into her eyes, a serious look in his eyes all of a sudden.

‘What is that, my sweet prince?’ she smiled and bit her lip.

‘I want you to be my queen.’


End file.
